Thursday, December 31, 2009
So today I rolled out of bed with minutes to spare to get to work. I don't know how it happened! Thank goodness I'd packed my lunch the day before because I needed any extra moments to feed the dog and grab my stuff together before nearly being late.
As it happened, I forgot to bring utensils for my lunch and snacks. This wasn't as awful as it could have been since Jon'd made these personal gluten-free 8" pizza's last night. I ate 1/2 of mine, thinking I'd bring the other half for lunch. This was, essentially, finger food so that wasn't too bad. I just couldn't eat my greenbeans nor could I eat the veggie casserole. Thankfully I had 2 oranges. Ah! Food you can eat with your hands, solely!
I drank a ton of water today too. 80 oz!! :)
So, my energy has been sort of blech lately. I don't drink coffee and I really try to eat clean, healthy food, but for some reason I'm not feeling the pep. Although, I feel less "sluggish" than when I wasn't watching my portions or eating anything I wanted. So I'm not sure if its too little on calories or too little on protein or something. I'm just not certain where it lies. It's like I have to "rev up" to do my workouts. And I do get them done, they just feel like they are often endless!
I have noticed when I am in a competition, I will try and do my best to win. Especially if I enjoy the activity or enjoy the "battle". A good example of this would be the game Cribbage. I like that game. I like games in general. However, I think because it's just for fun, I don't get emotionally involved. I used to. But, what irks me is the competitive nature of some of my friends. I find it can get in the way of my journey. I'm fairly supportive of someone when they are trying to accomplish something. I send out love and strength and kind words. However, I'm noticing there are people who are incredibly supportive and I really thank them for their awesome words of encouragement. They mean THE WORLD to me. But others have made less-than-supportive comments like, "Oh now, why would you need to lose weight"? Or, "Don't become anorexic!" Or, "Don't make me pig out alone!" Sometimes they just press me for information (like wanting to know the number of my actual weight), which make my instincts perk up and ask why they want to know? Why is that particular information relevant?
Now, I don't want to say these people are all toxic or bad. I think I've gotten rid of those types of people long ago. But as far as feeling comfortable with disclosure on information or process or what have you, I find I'm playing close to the vest.
Upon discussing the idea of competition, I notice these people to be proud of their competitive nature. And I think some competition is healthy. Some. I think some competition is destructive. I don't want to feel compelled to compare weight/size/calories. I think it breeds a bad ground for support and love. Can't we all just agree we're on our own journey? It's not about who got there first but that we all get there at our own time?
I know I'm unique in that I'm blogging, daily, about this approach. I guess, along with the personal demons I face I also have to learn how to handle the other people in my life.
The one thing about getting involved with the self, is it makes it easy to not make time for everyone else. That was my modus operandi. But, balance is the key. Time for me AND time for others.
I know I'll accomplish this. It just feels awkward so far. Sort of like a puppy with big feet trying to negotiate walking/running.
On the really plus side: I moved to doing 12 lbs each hand for all my leg squats!! :)
Today's Goal: Get back in the workout routine = SUCCESS!
Tomorrow's Goal: Do three 2 minute sprints for cardio
Calories Consumed: 1148
3 minutes warm up
42 minutes jog/run/kick/invis.jump rope
(4- 2 minute sprints)
8 minutes cool down/stretch
50 push ups
Slim in 6pack abs routine - 11 min
100 regular squats (12 lbs each hand)
100 regular pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)
100 plie squats (12 lbs each hand)
100 pulsed plie squats (12 lbs each hand)
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
So today was my last late day at this job. On Tuesdays, the manager usually works from 11am - 7pm. They didn't bother to tell me that when I was hired for the job. I worked it out so I did come in 11-7 last Tuesday and this one. But next week, I am working 9-5 all 5 days. Getting off on the schedule has messed up my sleep patterns.
Case in point: Today!
I got up early to do my cardio. I was pretty darn exhausted but I made it through. I rediscovered TLC on our basic cable network and got pathetically sucked into "Toddlers and Tiaras". Wow. Just, wow. Why do these people even HAVE kids? They should just get dolls and dress them up! But I digress...
So I busted out the cardio and quickly showered, got my food together, fed the dog, made the bed, etc. and ran out of the house to START my 8 hour work day.
While I was there the day felt ENDLESS. The only thing that got me through was using the time after 5pm as a chance to work on marketing for my voice over demos. I am preparing to send out the postcards and I'm thrilled to start this process! It's taken a LOT of preparation, but I know it will work out in the end. I just have to keep at it. :)
So accomplishing a lot of that was very helpful to my mood. It wasn't, however, very helpful for my exhaustion! By the time I arrived home, wonderful Jon Wolter had cleaned the rabbit hutch and the chinchilla hutch, alone. I felt terrible not helping him but I was so tired I just wanted to crawl into bed! I decided I would just suck it up and make today a cardio only day and jump back in tomorrow. Sometimes you just have to allow your body to tell you what it needs.
After dinner, Jon got "Skyped" by our buddy Jon Taie in Boston. It was really nice to see him. Yay for new technology! We laughed a lot and joked about the wedding and him coming to that. It was a blast. I ended up saying goodnight around 10:30pm. I was hoping a good night's sleep would be in the cards for me!
Today's Goal: Get the cardio done before work - SUCCESS!
Tomorrow's Goal: Jump back in the workout routine - abs/legs tomorrow
Calories Consumed - 987
3 minutes warm up
40 minutes jog/run/kick/shadow boxing/invis. jump rope
4 - 1 minute jump/sprints
Strength Training: NONE
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
So today was back to the temp job. It's been ok so far. Not too difficult, although I tend to get frustrated when I don't have answers to questions. I like being able to solve problems and often I feel like I'm bugging people with the answers more than I "should" because I've encountered something I'm just not equipped to deal with.
But, I don't want that to preclude me from being asked back to work here again. The money is decent and the work isn't awful. Again, I do like that I'm pretty much by myself and there's no one looking over my shoulder. As exhausting as the work can sometimes be, I do MUCH better by myself.
I found myself in a frustrating situation when I received a call from my supervisor who works at the main office in the city. Here's how the conversation started:
Supervisor: "Hello Ali, how was your Christmas?"
Me: "Oh it was great, thanks! How was yours?"
Supervisor: "It was good. Look, Ali, you have to keep the office door open."
Me: stunned silence "Um...oh! Ok. Sorry I--"
Supervisor: "Yeah, the residents are calling to complain the door is closed and they don't know you are open"
Me: "Oh, wow, I'm sorry. I actually put a note on the door that says, "PLEASE KNOCK. WE ARE OPEN"
Supervisor: "Yeah, I need you to keep it open, regardless"
Me: "Oh well, sorry, I mean, it gets really cold in this office and [the manager] said during training it was ok to do that as long as I put up a note saying we were here and open. But that's ok, I'll just leave the door open"
Supervisor: "Oh. It's cold?"
Me: "Yeah, that's the only reason the door's been closed. I have only left the office twice. To go to the bathroom."
Supervisor: "Well, can you keep the door propped open a little?"
Me: "Yeah, sure, no problem. I'll just deal with it. No worries."
Supervisor: "Thank you."
So, yeah, that is just an inkling of how the day went. I was here until 5:30 (I'm usually off at 5pm) dealing with a stupid issue. UGH!
By the time I got home I was in NO MOOD to work out. But I did. I think I got about 68oz of water in. So that's good, I guess. I was shooting for 80 but it wasn't in the cards.
I also had to truncate my cardio. I was beat.
BUT!!! We bought 12 lb weights this weekend and I added them in to my upper body routine! And tomorrow I'll add them to the lower! YAY!
Fingers crossed for an uneventful rest of the week!
Today's Goal: Drink more water = SUCCESS/FAIL (my internal goal was to drink 80 oz. I didn't quite get there. But I got about 68oz so that's much better than I've been in previous days. So I don't feel too awful)
Tomorrow's Goal: Get the cardio done before work. (late starting time at the job)
Calories Consumed: 957
3 minutes warm-up
30 minutes jog/run/invisible jump rope/kicks/shadow box
(4 - 1 minutes sprints)
8 minutes cool down/stretch
50 push ups
50 back rows (15 lbs each hand)
20 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
30 biceps curls (10 lbs each hand)
20 triceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
30 triceps curls (10 lbs each hand)
20 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand)
30 shoulder press (10 lbs each hand)
20 chest flies (12 lbs each hand)
30 chest flies (10 lbs each hand)
Monday, December 28, 2009
So today Jon and I planned to go to Target and finish up some shopping we'd been meaning to get done for a couple of weeks. We woke up at a decent hour and I decided I wanted to workout first so I could have the evening to just chill out. It was a good plan!
Got my entire workout in and then we finished up our crazy shopping trip. We have a few last minute gifts to send out and then we are finished!
I have decided to try and make a general list for the week in hopes that I can feel a bit more organized in my weekly scheduling. Some of it is for the apartment (chores Jon and I have to get done but always find overwhelming when they've not been planned), and some are career/work/personal oriented. Just for me.
I'm hoping having a list will help to keep me focused. There are definitely days when I feel like I am barely making it through, time-wise, and I have had to avoid seeing people to make sure I'm getting my workouts/food/chores in. I think with a little extra planning I will be able to coordinate things so that if there's a spontaneous get-together I can actually meet up with someone. Which would be nice! :)
Jon and I have started filling out a book called "All About Us". It's a neat little book that has questions and blanks that we fill out together and helps to facilitate conversation(s) about our relationship. In most cases we've realized we've discussed these things but it's nice to have confirmation that feelings haven't changed or our understandings were just assumptions. Etc. It's been a neat thing to do to prepare for this marriage thing. :)
Other than that, all is well here. :)
Today's Goal: Get back in the workout routine = SUCCESS!
Tomorrow's Goal: DRINK WATER! (I don't think I'm drinking enough. Stomach pains/heartburn and headaches are probably a good indicator I'm not.)
Calories Consumed: 1047
3 minutes warm-up
45 minutes jog/run/kicks/invisible jump rope
(6 minutes of sprints/ 4 minutes of kicks)
8 minutes of cool-down/stretch
Slim in 6pack abs - 11 minutes
100 regular squats (10 lbs each hand)
100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs each hand)
100 plie squats (10 lbs each hand)
100 plie pulsed squats (10 lbs each hand)
Sunday, December 27, 2009
So today was a lovely day! Jon and I went to meet our friends K and Lori for lunch! It was BLISSFUL! We had a fantastic time and I made great choices with my meal.
In catching up, I realized how far I've come in a short time. I know I still have a long journey ahead of me. Pretty much a lifetime since I believe we are always able to learn and grow. But, I'm seeing myself approach life and love and people in a better and healthier way.
This makes me happy. :)
It warms my heart to know that my dear friends give their "stamp of approval" on Jon Wolter. I know he's wonderful and I am so lucky he's in my life. But it helps to know that my friends agree. Especially since with my ex, no one really liked him and EVERYONE thought it was a mistake that I was marrying him. Except me. This time, I've asked for reactions and, even when I haven't, they've been consistently positive. This makes me happy. I like knowing that the people who have my back think my intended is a good choice. :) I like that they like him. :)
Today was a full recovery day for workout. I will replenish and return tomorrow!
Todays' Goal: Make healthy choices at lunch = SUCCESS! (Got a salad -balsamic dressing on the side- with salmon)
Tomorrow's Goal: Jump back into my workout routine
Calories Consumed: 840
Workout = NONE - recovery
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
I. Am. Exhausted! I don't know if I'm not getting enough sleep, or the right sleep or the right kind of enough sleep, but I am dragging! It was an epic battle to get me out of bed this morning and get myself even remotely ready for work. I should not have been allowed out the door looking or wearing what I am currently wearing! Luckily, I did not forget to pack a lunch and snacks so I'm all set there.
I'm nervous about my ability to actually work out today. I may just fall into bed fully clothed and fall right back to sleep! I mean, if that's the case, then obviously my body needs it, but I'm feeling like I'm falling behind or something.
I've been irritable. Short-fused. Emotional (well, more than I usually am). I think I might have PMS. Which would account for my moods... BUT, what worries me is the scale. I KNOW it will either stay the same (minor horrors!), or INCREASE (TERRIFYING HORRORS!!!!!). I just have to trust that the scale is not my only means of measurement, (clothing and such) and to trust that once these weeks are over (the PMS and the actual week I menstruate) my body will go back to normal again. Right? RIGHT?????
Ugh. Exhausted AND paranoid.
I've heard that working out when you are PMS'ing is actually helpful. Yeah. I've never found that to be true. I have endometriosis and when the cramps hit, I hit the bed, fetal position, heavy advil and I whine mercilessly.
I'm a terrible patient. Because I'm impatient.
Poor Jon. I hope he doesn't have to deal with a tough month. Usually the worst of it only lasts a day or so. But it's not pleasant, regardless, for either of us. Although he takes it in stride. Good guy that he is. :)
To add to my complaining I'm going to make a freaking doctors list.
Jon and I really need to hit the doc's and I'm making sure that the money I'm making for these 3 weeks is delegated to our health. So...
-Gyno check up - ALI
-Get mammogram - ALI (already called for a prescription)
-Dentist cleaning - JON
-Dentist cleaning - ALI
-Dermatologist - JON
-Dermatologist - ALI
-Eye Doc check up - ALI
Today's Goal: Finish and send out holiday cards = SUCCESS/FAIL (finished them, didn't have enough stamps! Gotta do that tomorrow)
Tomorrow's Goal: Get 80 oz of water in + multi-vitamin
Calories Consumed: 1102
3 minutes warm-up
50 minutes jog/run
(6 one-minute sprints)
8 minutes cool-down/stretch
100 push ups
50 back rows (10 lbs each side)
50 biceps curls (10 lbs each side)
50 triceps curls (10 lbs each side)
50 shoulder press (10 lbs each side)
50 chest flies (10 lbs each side)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
So today I had a weird schedule with work. I wasn't told when I signed on to this job that Tuesdays would be from 11am - 7pm. I was taken aback by it at first, and then realized that except for the last week I work, this isn't too big of a deal. So that day I'll work 10 - 6. No big deal. :)
But it's a little odd.
However, it afforded me time to workout this morning and accomplish my daily goal! YAY! I DID get in my cardio AND my ab routine. All that's left is legs. I can do that after dinner! :)
My mom was telling me that all of her friends that have daughters have been having issues with them. The daughters tell them, (the mothers) that they don't know anything. Or they demand things or whatever. I am actually surprised. I mean, my mom's friends all have big personalities but I never would have thought they'd have such issues communicating with their daughters.
Jokingly, I asked what she says when her friends are complaining about their daughters. She, politically said, "Oh nothing! I don't have those problems". Good answer, Mom. :)
This office has me alone for a LOT of the time. I am cherishing this time. It affords me reflection and time to explore things that our crazy, busy lives don't usually allow. I used to hate/fear time without stimulation. It meant I had to just "be with my thoughts". That was horrifying!! Now, I like it. I look forward to it.
Well, along with the snow today, it's definitely getting festive in this city. I am wearing my new shoe-boots (they are so comfy. They form to your feet!) that I got as a gift. :) They are bright red! Absolutely festive! They make me smile!
I definitely fell off the wagon of doing my leg exercises. Having a late day at work left me utterly exhausted. I did well on the cardio front, adding an extra 5 minutes plus sprints so I'm feeling good about that. Hopefully my legs will understand my not working them out today.
Today's Goal: Try and get the cardio done in the morning before work = SUCCESS!
Tomorrow's Goal: Finish the holiday cards and get 'em sent out
Calories Consumed: 1154
3 minutes warm-up
50 minutes run/jog
(5 one-minute sprints)
8 minutes cool-down stretch
Slim in 6 ab routine (slim and 6pack -- 11 minutes)
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
- my plant from Kristin's memorial is still alive
- my father's tests were good (cancer hasn't grown)
- people will surprise you, and I had a couple good ones today
- My sister-in-law and our new venture
- My amazing friends who are wonderful
- putting my needs first
Monday, December 14, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
So, today was all over the map. Jon and I had some errands to run so we rolled out of bed and slowly got our day moving. It was ok...just a slow-going day. I forgot my water (that really bummed me out) and didn't plan ahead to take any snacks, so we ended up stopping at a restaurant to have lunch.
While we were there, I was counting calories in my head and figuring out what I could cut/take home, etc.
Jon made a joking comment about "being careful about those calories" on a new low-caloric syrup made from blue agave that I'd never tried and I flipped out. I was so offended that he thought I needed help with my calorie counting! Didn't he know I was watching every morsel, every calorie I was eating? Did he think I needed a policeman watching my every move?!?!?
Well, after many an apology and my grudgingly "letting it go" (I was still upset but not AT him, but I couldn't explain/figure out what had really made me so angry), we finished (and even enjoyed) the rest of our meal and came home.
I worked out last night and got in all my water and Jon made a delicious veggie casserole. We ended up going to sleep really early. I guess we were tired. But I was still thinking about why I was so quick to anger.
I'm still not quite sure, but I think it has to do with a few things:
1) yes, I was "ok" with not having dropped weight this week (even glad I didn't gain) but after all this hard work, I have to acknowledge that I was disappointed that I didn't lose. More disappointed than I even wanted to admit. I was "covering it up" trying to be positive and just let it go, but I've learned that you can't move through something and get on the other side without actually feeling those feelings. And even if I don't plan on feeling them, they will happen. So, yeah. I AM disappointed, dammit.
2) I went to a memorial yesterday. For a beloved teacher. Who was 39 years old. And wonderful. And died of breast cancer. Seriously. It's so not fair. And there is breast cancer all over my family. My aunt just died of it. My mom is a survivor but only had a 2o% chance. My cousin (the daughter of my aunt who just passed away) had it and hers manifested when she was 33. Yeah. I'm 33 now. So, yeah. Fear, concern and all that is getting internalized. And sometimes it needs an outlet, I guess.
3) Calorie counting is tenuous and frustrating. And it's a delicate balance when out to eat and not being able to get what you want because it will end up on your stomach and ruin everything you've worked for. It's often much more of a mental game than anything else. And when someone jumps in and tries to "help" it can be irritating. And it can feel like you're being judged. That's exactly what it felt like to me. Like Jon was watching my every move and "scolding" me for what I was eating. I was pissed.
Now, of course, that wasn't at all what Jon was trying to do, but I had a hard time believing him. I was already feeling down for a number of reasons (as I stated), so that just pushed me over the edge.
We figured it out, and I feel better acknowledging that I was sad and disappointed and just feeling judged and down. So, now I have to look forward and realize that the day wasn't a total bust. I did work out and I did drink water and gave it my best. Today, that's where my best was. And that's ok.
Today's Goal: Drink 80 - 100 oz of water. = drank 80 oz = SUCCESS!
Calories Consumed: 1250 (approximately)
Calories Consumed: 1250 (approximately)
Cardio: 45 minutes
Cardio: 45 minutes
(jogging, invisible jump rope, step-ups, dead leg lifts)
100 regular crunches
100 reverse crunches
100 oblique crunches (both sides)
100 regular squats (10 lbs)
100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs)
100 plie squats (10 lbs)
100 plie pulsed squats) (10 lbs)