Thursday, December 24, 2009

Day 32 - Joy and Reading

Thursday, December 24, 2009

So today has been a very "chill" day at work. Very few distractions via phone/email and pretty much all around quiet.

It's given me time to read. Which I adore! I almost never carve out time in my day to do it. I always think I "should" be doing something else. Working on this monologue or sending out this thing for my business...etc. I live in a world of "shoulds" when I have so many "wants".

Truthfully, this job has allowed me the time to read and that makes me so grateful. When I fall into a story I am totally transported. I live the emotions they live, I anticipate their reactions and feelings. It's like I am experiencing the story along with them. It's an investment. Not just of time, but of emotion.

When I complete a book and the story ends (no sequel, or I've finished all the sequels), I'm actually depressed for a while. I feel like I've lost the people. They've "left" so to speak, to go live their lives. It's something I've also experienced with films and TV shows, in some cases. But it's never as heartbreaking as with books. I think it's because I am reading about every nuance and thought and I'm right there breathing with them.

Like I said, an investment. :)

This has been a much better holiday for me than recent years. I've learned so much about myself and my strength. I used to tell my teacher, K Spang, that I understood that I had "things to get through". The fact that I had the knowledge that I had issues should have been enough, right? I figured if I saw my problems, labled them, saw them clearly well, then, I should be allowed to avoid the suffering of FEELING them or going through the process of dealing with them for real. K Spang would say, "Ali, you keep seeing that door and just desperately want to be on the other side of it". I'd say, "YES!" And she'd say, "Well, here's the deal. By acknowledging the problem you've only just NOTICED the door. Now you have to start working your way towards it. You just want to fly through it. It doesn't work that way".

And she was right.

So this holiday season I am really enjoying my time staying warm and close and happy and grateful for love and laughter and joy. Joy is an emotion that I have felt guilty for feeling for so long. I'm not going to feel guilty feeling joy tonight. Maybe that should be my goal for tomorrow. Mom's making dinner and I don't want to feel any guilt. So that's my goal.

Thank you for sticking with my crazy rants of blog-i-tude. Your continued support is incredible. This journey is a good one. Hard, but good. I thank you. And I wish you a glorious happy holiday eve!

Today's Goal: Drink 80 oz of water + Take multi-vitamin = Fail/success (took the vitamin - had about 65-70 oz, but I wasn't too disappointed)

Tomorrow's Goal: Feel no guilt.

Calories Consumed: 1087

3 minutes warm-ups
20 minutes jog/run
3 minutes cool-down

Strength Training:
Slim in 6pack abs routine - 11 min.
100 regular squats (10 lbs each side)
100 pulsed regular squats (10 lbs each side)
100 plie squats (10 lbs each side)
100 plie pulsed squats (10 lbs each side)

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