Day 73 - All business 2 - Wednesday

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Calories consumed: 1108

Workout:  NONE

Day 66 - Run-down and Voiceover Promotion

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

So today I felt like crap.  I felt run-down and just ick.  I tried to get motivated to get up and get going and I just didn't have it in me.

Guess I am taking today as a recovery day.  I hate when my body tells me when it needs stuff.  I mean, I'm glad it does, but I wish it and my mind would be on the same schedule.

Anyhow, it wasn't too much of an issue since I had a real goal in mind: Send out round 1 of my voiceover promotion postcards.

It's such a crazy/different type of promoting.  The marketing on this side of the business is nothing like the other side.

I know once I get into it and get my groove it will get easier.  It just feels like craziness while I'm trying to get it done the first time.  The learning curve is HUGE.  I just have to accept that I don't "get" it yet and know the next time or the next next time will come easier.

I did complete it, though, so I know that it was important to get on that train and see it through this week.

Now.  Most importantly, I need to realize that it is just as important for me to schedule time to work on THIS as it is to work on my business with my sister-in-law, Carrie, as it is to schedule time to meet with my  mom to plan/work on the wedding.  Whew!  I am surprised there are enough hours in the day/in the week to get everything done!!

That's always been my issue.  I never feel like I'm getting enough done.

I look at my apartment and sigh dreadfully that there is SO MUCH I could do to make it more habitable and feel less cluttered and organized and BLECH.  I feel overwhelmed by everything we have to do every single day/week: Dishes, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, laundry, cleaning the mammal's cages, dusting, changing the sheets, grocery shopping, etc, etc, etc.  It all becomes WAY too much after a while.  When does one get to take a break?  And will I ever get a break where I feel like I'm done?  Where everything really is in its place?

I might have to start triaging my life like I triaged my career.  I decided to focus on film and voiceover for the moment.  I'm not auditioning for live theatre, (although I've recently been handed two separate opportunities that I'm, of course, not turning down), and I'm really making sure my focus has my attention.  I think I need to do that in my apartment.  I need to tackle one project at a time and just realize that it's got to be completed before I'm allowed to tackle the next one.

For example:  My photos.  Oy vey!  I have so many and I want to scan them so I don't risk ever losing them.  BUT, I also have to go through them.  I have two boxes (bigger than shoe boxes) FULL of photos as well as many photo albums.  This project will take quite a while to get through.

Then there are the cross-stitching projects I've started and never completed.  They live in my closet and I miss working on them.  I love to cross-stitch.
Same thing with knitting.  I have a 1/2 completed  project I'm trying to finish for my best friend.  UGH.

Ok. I guess I need to write a real list of all the projects I plan/need to complete in order to really get a clue as to which to tackle and when.

This could take years. :)  Sigh.  But if I really give myself a goal to work on these things, maybe I can actually get them done.  I'd be happy giving myself an hour a week as long as I'm DOING something. Even if they take a long time, it's better than not working on them at all.  At least I can say I'm making SOME progress, right?

First up:  My best friend's gift. I was hoping to complete it by her birthday which was in January. If I can complete that by MY birthday (it's the taint of March...March 16th. --- taint the Ides, taint St. Patrick's Day--) then I can send her a holiday/birthday gift on my birthday and that would be sort of like getting it on-time. ;)

Ok.  Going to bed and going to wake up strong.

Today's Goal: Postcards. No excuses. = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Get back to the routine

Calories Consumed: 913

Workout - NONE

Day 60 - Sloth and Kicking My Own Ass

Thursday, January 21, 2010

So today I had a realization.

I need alone time.  And I need time where I don't feel "under the gun", so to speak.

When I schedule a recovery day I really need to remember that it can include doing nothing.

I suck at doing nothing.

I suck hard at it.

I grew up believing the only way to succeed was always be working towards the goal.  I never stopped to enjoy or even reflect on the journey.

I still struggle with this.

I've often over-scheduled myself and believed I could make up time later.  Yeah, well, sometimes I need those "lazier" days in order to recharge and move on tomorrow with even more commitment and determination.  Sometimes I just want to lie in bed and not have to strategize/think/plan/decide anything. Sometimes I just want to be alone and read a book or watch Law & Order and not feel bad about it.

Sometimes I do this.

Usually I feel guilty.

Often I protest that I have every right to enjoy myself, yet I never do.

Today is no exception.

All day I tried to just talk myself into letting this be a "sloth" day.  I'd use it as a recovery day even though I knew full-well that Saturday made more sense as a recovery day since I'd probably be traveling and in my car most of the day after coming off of a long filming.

But my body just wanted it and, reluctantly, I gave in.

I laid in bed most of the day and just tried to enjoy the fact that I was taking "me" time.

It worked...sort of.  But since I felt like I'd been slacking off on some of my more intense workouts this week, it never really stuck with me, fully.

Jon and I had waited until we both had some time to watch Tuesday's episode of The Biggest Loser.

Jon returned from a meeting and I was all set to watch it with him, at 10:30PM when I realized I felt like a huge hypocrite!

Here I had spent the entire day laying around and I was about to spend ANOTHER 2 hours watching a TV show?  With no exercise?
So, I busted out the exercise clothes and hopped to it watching The Biggest Loser.  It's really motivating and fun to workout while THEY workout.

I got a GREAT cardio workout in and still got to enjoy one of my favorite inspirational shows. :)  Win/Win!

Today's Goal: 60 oz of water = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Do a total body workout (weights and/or abs with cardio)

Calories Consumed: 1042

Workout:
       Cardio:
           3 minutes warm up
           42 minutes jog/run
           (1 - 15 minute sprint!)
           8 minutes cool down/stretch

Day 50 - Listening to my body and trusting my body

Monday, January 11, 2010

So today was a day I did nothing.  Seriously.  I did nothing.  I slept in pretty late.  Considering shooting finished at about 5:00am this morning, I realized I needed to rest.

Jon and I had a bunch of errands to run after he went to work.

We did none of them.

As a matter of fact, he hadn't been feeling well all weekend, so he took the day off and just rested too.  I don't think we left the bed for more than 30 minutes.  We were both exhausted and just needed a reboot.

I had planned to get up and workout later in the day.

Yeah, that didn't happen.

I just couldn't get the energy up.

So, I guess today became a recovery day.

I'm trying to give myself some latitude.  I know being up all night and changing my sleep schedule can mess me up for a while.  When I worked at 4:00am at Starbucks I'd have to go to sleep at 9:00pm to be able to function the next day.  Then after being cut I'd have to go home and take a nap.  I was always tired.

I know I've been on a great track working out almost 6 days a week every week.  I don't want to get off-track.  It's so easy to just let myself "take a day".  I don't want to fall back into a bad habit.

I'm learning to just trust myself and my body.  I do feel better knowing I've worked out, so the rush I get from having DONE my workout will help me keep up the good habit, right?  And when I do need a break because my schedule is making me exhausted, I just need to give myself that time to rest.  I need to trust myself a little more.

It's hard to do that.  Especially when I've "failed" myself so many times before with my workouts.  I tend to come back but it's usually after a long break and the inconsistency yields little results.

But, I trust myself this time.  This time I am using only me (and YOU via this blog).  I'm not using any gimmicks or helpful things other than my desire to live my best life.

So, today I forgive myself and move on.  Tomorrow is another day.

Today's Goal: Drink at least 60 oz of water and take my multi-vitamin = Fail/SUCCESS (I think I drank 40 - 50 oz...maybe )

Tomorrow's Goal: Back on the workout schedule - cardio and weights and use BL9* to really motivate me if I need it.

Calories Consumed: 901

Workout: NONE = recovery

*BL9 = The Biggest Loser season 9 - GREAT motivator!

Day 46 - Recovery and Domesticated

Thursday, January 7, 2010

So today was my recovery day for this week.  I always feel leary of taking a recovery day the day before a weigh-in but I knew I needed it.  Besides, Jon and I had a ton of domestic crap to do around the house.  One of which was vacuum. Oh lord, it is not fun trying to do ab and strength training and stretching on our awful carpet, especially when it needs to be vacuumed!

Jon made a great dinner and we pretty much took it easy most of the evening.  It was a fairly uneventful day all around.  Work was only slightly stressful, so all in all it was a good day to rest.

I would have liked to have gotten in all my water, but that didn't happen.  I also realized I've been forgetting to take my multivitamin again!  ARGH! I have to get better about that.  I think it adds to my exhaustion. 

Today's Goal: Get some domestic things done. Take the day as recovery. Drink my water. 80 oz.

Success/Fail (got the domestic stuff done, took the day as recovery, only drank 60 oz)

Tomorrow's Goal: take my multivitamin

Calories Consumed: 1051

Workout: None - recovery

Day 39 - New Years Eve and Recovery

Thursday, December 31, 2009

So today is New Years Eve!  Work sucked.  There was a problem with security in the mail room and towards the end of my day I was stressed and dealing with building issues.  It was not a pretty day to start my happy jaunt into 2010.

But like everything else, it ended and I left.

This week has been slightly stressful.  I've been waiting on some news that I wasn't able to get until 4pm today.  The news would either be a relief or potentially bad.  Upon arriving home I got the news and, thankfully, it was GOOD news!

But, the week of stressing, I think, caused me to have mild setbacks in my weight-loss.  I've been working on staying unstressed as often as possible.  Trying different tactics to keep my anxiety down and keep myself on an even keel.  It's worked some of the time.   But this week it just wasn't my week.

I will be blown away if the scale shows a loss of any kind tomorrow.  Blown away.

Mostly because of a few factors:
1. I have been stressed.
2. I have been emotional.
3. I was not as awesome on my salt intake as I could have been
4. I upped my weights to 12 lbs for somethings which means muscle is growing

All of these factors could contribute to the scale.

I've been feeling bloated too.  But I know that's to be expected here and there.  All I can do is just keep up my weekly routine and trust that my body is changing even if the scale isn't showing it.

I expect setbacks, I am just trying to not feel like a failure when they happen.  Although, they haven't happened yet.  Tomorrow will tell exactly how/if I need to improve.

As far as doing a workout, I decided that Jon and I haven't had a night where we can just relax and watch a movie.  So we did.  I chose to make this day a complete recovery day.  NO WORKOUT.  We did our laundry and just decided to kick back, watch a movie and then wait for midnight!

It was a blast!  Perfect evening.

Today's Goal:  Do 3 2 minutes sprints = FAIL (well, because today became recovery day)

Tomorrow's Goal:  Jump back into the workout again adding the 12 lbs to the upper body

Calories Consumed: 1206

Workout = NONE (recovery)

Here's to a brand new year!  Yay for 2010!  I get to get married this year!!!!!! :)

Day 34 - Recovery and Friendship

Saturday, December 26, 2009

So today was a lovely day!  Jon and I went to meet our friends K and Lori for lunch!  It was BLISSFUL!  We had a fantastic time and I made great choices with my meal.

In catching up, I realized how far I've come in a short time.  I know I still have a long journey ahead of me.  Pretty much a lifetime since I believe we are always able to learn and grow.  But, I'm seeing myself approach life and love and people in a better and healthier way.

This makes me happy. :)

It warms my heart to know that my dear friends give their "stamp of approval" on Jon Wolter.  I know he's wonderful and I am so lucky he's in my life.  But it helps to know that my friends agree.  Especially since with my ex, no one really liked him and EVERYONE thought it was a mistake that I was marrying him.  Except me.  This time, I've asked for reactions and, even when I haven't, they've been consistently positive.  This makes me happy.  I like knowing that the people who have my back think my intended is a good choice.  :)  I like that they like him. :)

Today was a full recovery day for workout.  I will replenish and return tomorrow!

Todays' Goal:  Make healthy choices at lunch = SUCCESS! (Got a salad -balsamic dressing on the side- with salmon)

Tomorrow's Goal: Jump back into my workout routine

Calories Consumed: 840

Workout = NONE - recovery

Day 28 - Insomnia and stuck in the middle

Sunday, December 20, 2009

So today we were going with my mom and meeting with the videographer for the wedding. Before that, we were headed to my aunt's house for a "belated" Chanukkah party.

Party was great. I made good food choices and got some nice gifts. :)

The videographer looks like he will do a very nice job for the wedding. He's young, but knows the business very well. I like that.

On the way home I realized that my lack of sleep last night was REALLY catching up with me. I had so much energy yesterday I couldn't fall asleep. I stayed up reading. I finished my book and looked at the clock and it was 5 am! Woah!

So, with the lack of sleep and the late day, I decided to make this day my recovery day. And it's a good thing I did. I ended up falling asleep after Jon made dinner at 6:00! I slept until about 12:30 am, woke up, brushed my teeth and promptly fell back to sleep!

Earlier today Jon and I had a discussion about a friend of ours. I'm really worried about him. He's been making some decisions about his life that are worrisome. While Jon and I are equally concerned, I think, my emotional investment is more, in some ways. I feel guilty or responsible or something and it makes me sad/frustrated/angry. I don't really know how to get a handle on the feelings, lately. I guess it just sucks to watch someone not realize or see the mistakes they are making.

I suppose that's how my best friends felt when I was about to get married to my ex. They were silently screaming at me to see what they could clearly see. Actually, one of them was loud and clear and finally just had to walk away since she couldn't sit and watch me destroy myself (and my ex was quite a phenomenal asshole to her so it would have been detrimental for her to hang out with him, too).

Luckily for me after he was out of the picture, she and I reconciled. As horrible as it was to lose her, I realize why she had to do what she did. And I will ALWAYS be grateful for her being honest with me about why.

I am a coward. I should take a tip from my best friend and talk to this guy. But I feel like he's so down and out right now that the conversation would just add to the "badness". I don't see a good way to talk about this without it coming off crappy and preachy. Yet, I don't see a way to cut off from him without consequences.

I don't want to have to walk away.

I'm stuck in the middle of my emotional feelings about this one. It feels like I'm enabling if I physically help and it feels like I'm abandoning if I don't. I'm trying to, once again, find the balance of supporting without enabling. It's a really fine line! I kinda suck at it, actually. And, today, I pretty much fell apart in tears about the whole thing. I guess I can just encourage the good and discourage the bad and wait until he sees the situation for what it is, not what he thinks/hopes it is. And, honestly, I don't believe anything I could say WOULD make a difference.

It still sucks.

But I'm still working to take care of me, and that includes recognizing my successes as well as my not-so-successes (i.e. failures). I'm human.

Today's Goal: Get my water in - Fail (only got about 50 oz)

Tomorrow's Goal: Do my workout routine

Calories consumed: 959

Workout:

Cardio = None (recovery day)

Strength Training:

50 push-ups (did these earlier in the day)

Day 18 - Setting Goals and Recovery

Thursday, December 10, 2009

So today I accomplished many things. Although, none of them were workout related. I took my full day of recovery to the extreme. I slept late (I haven't picked up that 3 week temp job yet so I had the day off), and I cuddled with my dog a lot.

I did ALMOST finish one of my many Christmakkah gifts. Also, I started the process of sending out my promo materials for my website. That is definitely a process. I know I will get better/faster at it as the time goes by, but for now, it's a bit daunting!

Tomorrow is a fairly busy day. I'm "working" for my mom so I'm running errands for her business. Then Jon and I meet up with her and we go over the list for the wedding. Ugh. That will be slightly stressful. Then, Jon and I head home. So! I have the morning to get my workout in! Or, at least, the majority of my workout. I suppose I can do the weights at home later, if need be.

Tomorrow is weigh-in day! Fingers crossed...

Today's Goal: Submit to agents = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: be nice to myself for the weigh-in. Good or bad, I'm looking/feeling better.

Calories Consumed: 1108

Workout: None - recovery day

Tomorrow is Friday! Hopefully it won't be so blisteringly cold!

Day 11 - Uneasy and the Dreaded Week 2

Thursday, December 3rd

So today I am totally exhausted! I thought I was tired yesterday. I was wrong. I can only imagine that my wonderful body is fighting off something. I have no real reason to be this exhausted so I will appreciate what my body is telling me and take today as my recovery day.

This scares me.

I HATE taking a recovery day. I feel like I'm "slacking off" or "falling into a bad habit". Now, I know it's necessary to take 1 day off a week. I know it's bad for my body and the weight loss to NOT take a day off. Yet, I can't get that stupid voice out of my head saying, "Don't be lazy, Ali. You should be working out right now. Come on, it's not that bad. You're not that tired! You barely did anything yesterday. You're pathetic". And so on.

So I'm trying to tell that voice to shut the hell up.

This is a constant battle with sleep, as well. When I was in school I kept telling myself that sleep was for the weak. The more I stayed up and studied the better I would be. I could be "the best that I could be" which, of course, was still never good enough for me. I was never satisfied with myself and my accomplishments.

Well, here I am. Feeling the same way with the same uneasy energy. So I'm changing my behavior. I'm going to tell myself that I deserve a day off. I need a day off. And I am WORTHY of a day off.

Me: Self?

Self: Yeah?

Me: I'm taking my recovery day today.

Self: Really?

Me: Yes. I get one recovery day a week and I need it today. So I'm taking it.

Self: Think that's such a good idea?

Me: Yes. Yes I do.

Self: Well, if that's what you think you should do...

Me: Yes. It is. I am worthy of this day off.

Self: Well, Me, I think you're right.

Me: Um, you do??

Self: Yes, Me. You've been working your butt off. There's no rule that says you should take your recovery day on a weekend or anything else. I know you. I trust you. You made sure the rest of the week was laid out in a way so you could take today off. So go for it. I support you, Me.

Me: Wow! Thanks Self. I feel so supported!

Self: Anytime, Me. Anytime.

Considering tomorrow is a weigh-in day this was definitely a risky choice. Also, this is the dreaded WEEK 2! Notoriously week 2 of a workout plan can be brutal. Often people lose very little (after a large loss the week before), or they stay the same or even gain! It can be very demoralizing. But, as we all know, the scale is not the only measure of success. In fact, I did some costume hunting yesterday for the film and I am consistently in a size smaller! So regardless of what the scale says, my body is shrinking!

Also, I have muscle definition in my arms! It's so cool to look at them! I love feeling the muscle and I can't wait until they get more defined! Yay!

Today's Goal: well it was to stretch after my work out... so I guess that's not yet a success

Tomorrow's Goal: Workout - (and then stretch!)

Calories Consumed: 870 (I know it's low. Remember I didn't burn any off today, though)

Workout: NONE - recovery day

Tomorrow is going to be a rough day.

First: Weigh-in!

Second: I have a memorial for my beloved teacher, Kristin Spangler who passed away from breast cancer. :( I plan to work out before this so I am not bursting into tears while trying to do invisible jump rope!

Third: Jon's company has their holiday party, so temptations will be at a high...

Lots of challenges tomorrow, but I'm up for it.