Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Day 69 - Crazy cleaning and (almost) Running into my Ex

Saturday, January 30, 2010

So today was an interesting day.

Interesting = frustrating, productive, stressful, and surprising.

Jon and I had the day planned out:

I wanted to workout
We had to go to Best Buy
We had to go to Walgreens or a grocery store
We had to clean the kitchen and the kitchen floor

For some reason we were both really on edge today.  We usually work these things out but for some reason we were just on each other's last nerve.

That caused some major tension with some out-and-out fighting.

I HATE fighting and I sincerely hate fighting with Jon.  It makes me feel sad and confused and all my stupid childhood fears come crashing down on me.  It takes me a while to regroup and come back from those kinds of fights.

I'm sure it stems from never feeling like my side was heard in my family.  I spent so many fights at home trying to be heard.  It's very difficult.  And when Dad fights, he fights dirty.  He says something hurtful and surgical to shut it down so he can "win".  My Mom has a tendency to do the same thing, but she also just shuts down completely.  And she listens when my father is yelling at her to "hang up the phone" or whatever.

We definitely come from a family of fighters.

I end up feeling deflated and sad and just a big ball of ickiness.

Jon likes to stay in and fight.  Sometimes I can't handle it.  I can't think straight.  My emotions get in the way of my thoughts and take over.  I try to take a break so I can process but he doesn't always want to give that.

It can get messy.

However, after a long time in the car in the parking lot (isn't it always like that?  Why is shopping so damned stressful?).  We finally started to feel better and decided to finish our shopping at the grocery store near our house.


One of the most frustrating things about living in this city is how big and small it is.  I have tried to avoid the Jewel grocery store near our house for a variety of reasons the last 3.5 years.

1. It's a smaller store so the selection isn't always great
2. the aisles are narrower and it's a more frustrating shopping experience
3. My ex shops there.

Yeah, really #3 is the top reason I like to avoid the grocery store.  Although I hadn't ever run into him there.  Until today.

To be honest, I didn't actually run into him.  I saw him.  I really don't think he saw me.  It was kinda freaky.  I also saw his girlfriend (she seems like a nice person and seems to care about him which is nice for him).  She looks like a thinner version of me with smaller boobs.  He has a type.

Sigh.  It's not a big deal. Or it shouldn't be.  But I really wish my ex and Jon's ex would just let it go, already and just agree to bury the hatchet.

Do any of these bad feelings help any of us?

Well, once that awkwardness happened Jon was my lifeline and we made jokes and laughed about how icky and weird it was.  I'm grateful for his understanding my conflicted feelings about that whole thing.  He's a pretty great guy.  I'm pretty damned lucky. :)

After working out and dinner, we hit the ground running on that kitchen.

It's in fabulous shape!  Go Jon. You rocked it!

Today's Goal: try to do full cardio and light abs if I can = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: watch my eating. Calories are getting slightly erratic

Calories Consumed: 958

            3 minutes warm-up
            47 minutes jog/run
            8 minutes stretch/cool-down

     Strength Training:
           25 push ups
           50 reverse crunches
           50 regular crunches
           50 alternating toe touches (on my back)

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