Day 102 - Yay for money and Yay for auditions!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

So today was a work day at Jon Wolter's office.  I've been trying to temp in between all the craziness I have going on otherwise. I actually LIKE going into work at Jon Wolter's office.  We often barely deal with each other, but everyone is really nice and truly respectful.  It's a good environment to hang out in.  Plus, I think they like me.  I'm certainly their first "go to" person.  That always feels good!

While at work, I got a call from my agent to come in for a voice over audition.  I cleared it with work and off I went for an audition!

I LOVE THIS BUSINESS.  Seriously, it's fantastic getting called in for stuff.  I love the agency.  I'm eager to book something so they decide to keep me on!  I love that I can just jump at a moment's notice into the office, spend 5 minutes there going over the copy, go in and record, and be out of there! It's great!

On the way back, the CTA buses were running sloooowwww!  I finally got back and finished the day up. It was a good day all-around.

No workout today, but I'm thinking I might be getting slightly bored with my routine...may need to switch it up soon!

Calories Consumed: 960

Workout: NONE

Day 94 - Superstitions and Weigh-in week #14

Friday, February 26, 2010

So today was the last day of rehearsal for Senior Spotlight.  I'm really looking forward to getting to work with the senior citizens in the residencies.  Apparently we do sing-a-longs and work on their imaginations with theatre games and such.  It sounds like a rewarding experience for us and for them.

The show is really cute and I will miss rehearsing it with everyone.  As an understudy I am not called in for the shows (although I definitely plan to go see one).  I just have to keep up on the script and the music in case someone gets sick and I'm needed.

I also had an audition today...

I don't usually broadcast my auditions like some people.  I'm sure it's superstition or because I don't want to go through the process of explaining it if I don't get the job.  It's like going on constant job interviews.  People don't know what to say to you when you say you didn't get the job.  They feel badly for you but it gets awkward.  It's much easier to mention it later.

THEM:  "Where were you yesterday when I called"?

YOU: "Oh, I was at an audition".

THEM: "Wow!  What for?"

YOU: "For an agent".

THEM: "How did it go?"

YOU: "Pretty good/ok/great/awful (etc)"

THEM: "Oh, well great/you'll get 'em next time/good for you/chin up".

YOU: "Thanks"

This scenario is SO much better for me after the fact than before the fact.  I really have no interest in discussing my auditions.  I psych myself out of them if I talk about them too much.  Afterwards, I'm all about discussing it, even if it didn't go well.  I even have a sense of humor about it sometimes. :)

That being said...

I had an audition on Friday.  For an agency.  A good one in the city.  For my voiceover.

I was really excited (and a bit nervous).  I only told one person I was going in.  C* at Sound Advice (the place I recorded my demo.  THEY ROCK).  I wanted some input on how to audition for voice over for an agent (as opposed to on-camera or theatre).  Thank goodness for C*.  She rocked it!  She gave me great advice and told me to just go in and have a blast.  Which I did.  She also cautioned me not to be discouraged if I wasn't asked to work with them this time around.  Often agents will call you in and then tell you to come back in 6 months.  I was prepared for that.

The great thing was I really did go in and have a great time.  :)

And afterwards, the agent said she'd like to try this out.

Color me SOOOO EXCITED!

Yup.  So, without jinxing anything...looks like I have an agent!

I plan to continue promoting my demo to the creatives (which gets my name out, of course!)

All is happy.

Oh!  I almost forgot about the weigh-in!

Things are going in the right direction.  I'm down another .4 lbs!

Weight loss to date: 9.6 lbs!  WOO HOO!

Go me.  Good day, sunshine!

Calories Consumed: 1240

Workout:  NONE

*This not working out thing is getting to be a really bad habit.  Gotta fix that!

Day 76 - All business 7 - Monday

Monday, February 8, 2010

Calories Consumed: 941

Workout:

       Cardio:

            3 minutes warm-up

            44 minutes 

            8 minutes cool down

       Strength Training:

            1 set of Pilates 100

            100 reverse crunches

            100 regular crunches

*temp job at Lake Point Tower - 1 week, day 1

Day 45 - Overwhelmed and Under-funded

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

So today started out ok.  Work was a bit stressful but nothing that felt so awful I couldn't handle it.  That was good.

I spent a good portion of the day mapping out my plans for the next few months, mentally.  I guess it would make more sense to write these things down.  But, I have this weird inability to write something down unless I really know I can/will get to it.  Some of these things I've "mapped" are just abstract ideas/hopes.  To write them down cements them in a way I'm not necessarily ready for.

One of the things I had time to work on was our honeymoon.  My sister-in-law's mom is a travel agent.  A really good one.  She helped get my cousin and his wife a spectacular 7-day honeymoon for a fantastic price. I'm hoping she can do the same for us!  She and I have played email tag for a while and she threw out some great ideas but then asked the question: "So what is your budget"?

Um.

Yeah...

Um.

We don't have one? 

We are very slowly putting money into savings.  We have sacrificed some things in order to have SOME kind of savings.  It's very tough when we are paying off student loans, bills, etc. and STILL can't make ends meet each month.  But slowly and surely we are working it out.


But we definitely don't have enough in savings for a honeymoon.

Yet.

I threw out an arbitrary number in hopes it would be enough to get what we want.

I just hope we only have to put 1/2 the money down.  That we could cover!  The rest, well, we'll have to do some more saving for that!

By the time I got home I was freezing and exhausted.  Jon had had a horrible day at work and was really stressed out.  I pushed myself to do my workouts (watched a great episode of the West Wing) but my brain/heart etc. wasn't really into it.

It's weird. I seem to have one day on that's a good workout day. Energized, feeling good, etc.  And then the next day is just off! I'm exhausted and unable to complete all tasks.  The ping-pong effect is frustrating and tiresome.  By the time I'd finished my workout and showered, I was worn out!  And it didn't help that Jon and I realized we have so much to do before I start filming this weekend.  There's a lot of domestic crap on our plates.

One task at a time, I guess.  Trying to stay "whelmed" instead of overwhelmed.

Today's Goal: Do a full workout = Success/Fail. (I did all the components of the full work out, but my cardio was lacking in time)

Tomorrow's Goal: Get some domestic things done. Take the day as recovery.  Drink my water. 80 oz.

Calories Consumed: 1020

Workout:
        Cardio:
             3 minutes warm up
             30 minutes jog/run
            (7 intervals of push-ups -- 5 - 10 push-ups/ 2 - 20 push-ups)
             8 minutes cool down/stretch

         Strength Training:
              100 push-ups
              100 regular crunches
              100 reverse crunches
              100 oblique crunches (each side)
              100 regular squats (12 lbs each hand)
              100 regular pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)
              100 plie squats (12 lbs each hand)
              100 plie pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)

Day 43 - Fatigue and Breathing

Monday, January 4, 2010

So today just felt like a day of failure.  I know it wasn't that bad but it sure felt like it.  I was exhausted at work and felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything.  I kept getting phone calls and getting caught in situations I am not equipped to handle and feeling like a jerk because I had to continually say, "I'm sorry but Paul will be back in the office on Monday, January 11th. He will be able to help you then". 

Nothing frustrates me more than not having answers or a resource for my answers when working in a job.  I love the alone-factor except when I don't have anyone to call in case of a situation I can't readily deal with.  I do have a supervisor and he's really nice, but he doesn't know the ins and outs of the job so he can't easily assist me on most things.  I've found myself having to bother Paul in Poland while he's on vacation way more than I ever wanted to. 

By the time Jon Wolter showed up, (he gets off at 4:30 and this office is in walking distance to his office so I give him a ride home), I was absolutely ready to get out of dodge. 

I was actually looking forward to and dreading my pending workout.

Looking forward to it because:

• I often get a nice boost of energy once I begin
• I was planning on watching the West Wing while doing cardio (yay)
• It wasn't being at work!

Dreading it because:

• I was completely exhausted
• It's a WORKOUT - it's not usually altogether the most fun time I've had
• It's a mental game - and that is also exhausting
• It's nearly impossible to workout at home and not notice how cluttered our apartment is

I turned on the West Wing and began the cardio, like normal.  But nothing, I mean NOTHING I did was making this workout happen for me.  I was running slower, I was mentally not there.  I tried gearing myself up, I tried infusing push-ups in the middle of the cardio to give me some sweat and a boost, change it up.  Nope.  By the time I hit 30 minutes I knew I had very little left in me.  I eked out 35 minutes and I had had it.  So I ended the workout.

I did stretch and cool down.  I was definitely feeling disappointed in myself but, seriously, my body was telling me, "This is all I've got today.  I'll give you what I have when I have it.  This is what you get today.  Put me to bed soon, please."

I decided to just breathe.

Recently I've increasingly become interested in the different types of meditation.  I have a brain that doesn't shut up or quiet down, easily.  So usually a guided meditation is a better type for me.  However, I decided to take 2 minutes and just breathe.  I sat on the floor, closed my eyes and breathed.  It was quite refreshing, although my brain wouldn't keep still.  I concentrated on my breath and just focused on relaxing my muscles and feeling the stress drain away.

It was lovely.  I finished up by doing 1/2 of the abs I normally do and just didn't even consider the legs.  Once done, I crawled into a bath and Jon was making dinner.  I got out and we watched one of my new favorite shows, Men of a Certain Age on TNT.  There were a few Rocky references in the show and with one of them they show a similar image from the film where Rocky is standing with his arms up in the air. 

I realized, tomorrow will be a better day.

Today's Goal: drink 80 oz of water = FAIL (I drank 60 oz )

Tomorrow's Goal: drink 80 oz of water. Yup I'm throwing it back in there.  Tomorrow is a different day.

Calories Consumed: 1192

Workout:
        Cardio: 
             3 minutes warm-up
             35 minute jog/run/skaters
            (3 - 1 minute sprints)
             8 minutes cool down stretch

        Strength Training:
             100 push ups
             50 regular crunches
             50 reverse crunches
             50 oblique crunches (each side)

Day 37 - Marketing and Skype

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

So today was my last late day at this job.  On Tuesdays, the manager usually works from 11am - 7pm.  They didn't bother to tell me that when I was hired for the job.  I worked it out so I did come in 11-7 last Tuesday and this one.  But next week, I am working 9-5 all 5 days.  Getting off on the schedule has messed up my sleep patterns.

Case in point:  Today!

I got up early to do my cardio.  I was pretty darn exhausted but I made it through.  I rediscovered TLC on our basic cable network and got pathetically sucked into "Toddlers and Tiaras".  Wow.  Just, wow.  Why do these people even HAVE kids?  They should just get dolls and dress them up!  But I digress...

So I busted out the cardio and quickly showered, got my food together, fed the dog, made the bed, etc. and ran out of the house to START my 8 hour work day. 

While I was there the day felt ENDLESS.  The only thing that got me through was using the time after 5pm as a chance to work on marketing for my voice over demos.  I am preparing to send out the postcards and I'm thrilled to start this process!  It's taken a LOT of preparation, but I know it will work out in the end.  I just have to keep at it.  :)

So accomplishing a lot of that was very helpful to my mood.  It wasn't, however, very helpful for my exhaustion!  By the time I arrived home, wonderful Jon Wolter had cleaned the rabbit hutch and the chinchilla hutch, alone.  I felt terrible not helping him but I was so tired I just wanted to crawl into bed!  I decided I would just suck it up and make today a cardio only day and jump back in tomorrow.  Sometimes you just have to allow your body to tell you what it needs.

After dinner, Jon got "Skyped" by our buddy Jon Taie in Boston.  It was really nice to see him.  Yay for new technology!  We laughed a lot and joked about the wedding and him coming to that.  It was a blast.  I ended up saying goodnight around 10:30pm.  I was hoping a good night's sleep would be in the cards for me!

Today's Goal: Get the cardio done before work - SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Jump back in the workout routine - abs/legs tomorrow

Calories Consumed - 987

Workout:
      Cardio:
           3 minutes warm up
           40 minutes jog/run/kick/shadow boxing/invis. jump rope
           4 - 1 minute jump/sprints

      Strength Training: NONE

Day 36 - Temping and Tired

Monday, December 28, 2009

So today was back to the temp job.  It's been ok so far.  Not too difficult, although I tend to get frustrated when I don't have answers to questions.  I like being able to solve problems and often I feel like I'm bugging people with the answers more than I "should" because I've encountered something I'm just not equipped to deal with. 

But, I don't want that to preclude me from being asked back to work here again.  The money is decent and the work isn't awful.  Again, I do like that I'm pretty much by myself and there's no one looking over my shoulder.  As exhausting as the work can sometimes be, I do MUCH better by myself.

I found myself in a frustrating situation when I received a call from my supervisor who works at the main office in the city.  Here's how the conversation started:

Supervisor:  "Hello Ali, how was your Christmas?"

Me: "Oh it was great, thanks!  How was yours?"

Supervisor: "It was good.  Look, Ali, you have to keep the office door open."

Me: stunned silence "Um...oh! Ok.  Sorry I--"

Supervisor: "Yeah, the residents are calling to complain the door is closed and they don't know you are open"

Me: "Oh, wow, I'm sorry.  I actually put a note on the door that says, "PLEASE KNOCK. WE ARE OPEN"

Supervisor: "Yeah, I need you to keep it open, regardless"

Me: "Oh well, sorry, I mean, it gets really cold in this office and [the manager] said during training it was ok to do that as long as I put up a note saying we were here and open.  But that's ok, I'll just leave the door open"

Supervisor: "Oh. It's cold?"

Me: "Yeah, that's the only reason the door's been closed.  I have only left the office twice.  To go to the bathroom."

Supervisor: "Well, can you keep the door propped open a little?"

Me: "Yeah, sure, no problem.  I'll just deal with it.  No worries."

Supervisor: "Thank you."

So, yeah, that is just an inkling of how the day went.  I was here until 5:30 (I'm usually off at 5pm) dealing with a stupid issue.  UGH! 

By the time I got home I was in NO MOOD to work out.  But I did.  I think I got about 68oz of water in.  So that's good, I guess. I was shooting for 80 but it wasn't in the cards.

I also had to truncate my cardio.  I was beat. 

BUT!!!  We bought 12 lb weights this weekend and I added them in to my upper body routine!  And tomorrow I'll add them to the lower!  YAY!

Fingers crossed for an uneventful rest of the week!

Today's Goal: Drink more water = SUCCESS/FAIL (my internal goal was to drink 80 oz.  I didn't quite get there.  But I got about 68oz so that's much better than I've been in previous days.  So I don't feel too awful)

Tomorrow's Goal: Get the cardio done before work. (late starting time at the job)

Calories Consumed: 957

Workout:
      Cardio:
          3 minutes warm-up
          30 minutes jog/run/invisible jump rope/kicks/shadow box
          (4 - 1 minutes sprints)
          8 minutes cool down/stretch

     Strength Training:
         50 push ups
         50 back rows (15 lbs each hand)
         20 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
         30 biceps curls (10 lbs each hand)
         20 triceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
         30 triceps curls (10  lbs each hand)
         20 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand)
         30 shoulder press (10 lbs each hand)
         20 chest flies (12 lbs each hand)
         30 chest flies (10 lbs each hand)

Day 29 - Me first and addiction

Monday, December 21, 2009

So today I had to work for this temp job I'm doing for 3 weeks. It's not a bad gig, actually. The residents are pleasant and the staff is really awesome and helpful.

I love that I am working by myself in this office. It's wonderful and "freeing" to not be watched all the time. I do have a supervisor I will check-in with when necessary but he works out of the corporate office.

I find that I'm identifying, in myself, certain behaviors and reactions that I'm not sure I was aware of. For example: I've noticed how much less anxiety I've felt recently. I don't know if it's from a clearer focus on what I actually want to do with my life or because of my more stable lifestyle.

I have surrounded myself with very addictive people while I stayed "unaddicted" or "the one you can count on". I was always surprising people when they realized I didn't have a true eating disorder, or alcoholism, or drug problem. Considering my abusive past and more recent relationships it did seem "not normal".

I believe I made myself anxious and crazy and found solace in helping others to the detriment of myself. I would take on charity cases and focus on them without ever having to focus on me. It's exhausting having to really take myself into account. I guess I never thought I was all that great to be around. I truly didn't like myself and couldn't understand why anyone else would like me.

When I looked at myself with a hard critics eye, I realized that I was really right about everything I thought. And I was jealous that others didn't have these "problems". It pissed me off. I finally realized I was my own self-fulling prophecy. I kept waiting for someone to tell me, "No, Ali, you're fine! You're great!". Funny thing was, people WERE telling me that. ALL THE TIME. I just didn't believe them. I believed this crazy idea in my head. I don't want that crazy idea to be right anymore. So the only thing I can change is how I approach things and my behavior, right? So, yeah.

This is part of the reason I started this blog. Yes, it was to be accountable to myself about how much I'm consuming and how much I'm working out. But, also, I know what I've done for 33 years hasn't worked. So it was time to try it a different way.

My ex pushed me to walk away from our life and our wedding two months before the date. He manipulated me and kept my dog, claiming he'd take me to court and win since his father is a lawyer. He tugged at every heartstring I had and then would push me away and ignore me, claiming "he needed space". I was miserable, but I thought it was love.

It wasn't love. It was addiction.

Ugh, there is SO much more I could go on about with this one. Suffice it to say, going "cold turkey" on an addiction is really really hard. It doesn't help that I suffer every day and miss my dog. However, I know it's the best compromise given the circumstances.

I see what a stable life and real love really means with Jon. We have a true partnership. It's special and real and he doesn't try to manipulate my feelings by threatening to leave me or push me away to see how hard I'll try to fight back. We trust each other. There is no walking on eggshells or anxiety about how we deal with each other.

That is love. Sustainable and real love.

I'm trying not to regret anything. That's hard. Putting things in the past is not an easy thing for me. It's definitely still a process I'm working on.

That said, my day ended on a good note. We got all our errands done that we set out to do today. Dishes are done, animals are fed and I had a good workout. All in all a reflective but good day!

Today's Goal: Do my workout = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Try and get the cardio done in the morning before work

Calories Consumed: 1012

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-up

50 minutes (jog/run - with five 1 min. sprints)

8 minutes cool-down and stretch

Strength Training:

50 push-ups

50 back rows (15 lbs each side)

50 biceps curls (10 lbs each side)

50 triceps curls (10 lbs each side)

50 shoulder press (10 lbs each side)

50 chest flies (10 lbs each side)

Day 25 - Training and a full work-out

Thursday, December 17, 2009

So today I was able to get a full work-out in. Man did that make me HAPPY! This cold sucked ass but it didn't linger like my 3 week flu did earlier this year! That was like evil visited me and had a party in my body. And I didn't have ANY fun.

Anyhow, I think I got most of my water in and I definitely got my vitamin in, yay! I'm slightly nervous about the weigh-in tomorrow, only because I had such a crappy workout schedule this week, being sick and all. But I'm just remembering that it's about balance and doing the best I can with what I've got. In this case, I got a cold. I needed to rest my body. It wasn't in the plans, but that's how it goes.

I started training for the 3 week temp gig I'm doing. The guy who is training me is very nice and really interesting. He's from Poland and is going back to visit family and friends for the holidays. I think the building is going to be fun to work at. Hopefully things will be very quiet. I like quiet.

I'm even more encouraged because they gave me keys to the garage so I can drive every day! Oh joy of joys! I get a parking space and everything. Sweet! I love Chicago, but I really hate the cold. I get cold when the apartment is 79 degrees. I freeze. I sleep in sweatpants and sweatshirts under two very warm blankets.

Cold hands warm heart? Sure, sure. :)

Today's Goal: Get moderate amount of workout in = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: do some stretching after workout

Calories Consumed: 1102

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-up

46 minutes jog/run

5 minutes cool-down/stretch

Strength Training:

100 regular crunches

100 reverse crunches

100 oblique crunches (each side)

4 rounds of Pilates 100

100 regular squats (1o lbs each side)

100 regular pulsed squats (1o lbs each side)

100 plie squats (1o lbs each side)

100 pulsed plie squats (1o lbs each side)

Day 24 - On the mend and Ready for work

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

So today I woke up feeling awful, again. This stupid cold is just not being nice! I was really determined to get some workout in, again, today. I was frustrated for 2 days to not do any cardio.

So, I took some Excedrin and hoped the headache would go away. I bargained with myself to just do 5 minutes at a time. If it got to be too much I would stop.

I actually was able to hang on for 15 minutes at first. Then I slowed to 5 minutes at a time until I hit 30 minutes. Then I was pretty exhausted.

I did a bit of weights, not an intense amount but just enough to feel some burn.

Tomorrow I start training for a temp job I'm doing for 3 weeks. I hope it's not too stressful. I'm definitely looking forward to the money but not the work, if you get my drift.

Anyhow, here's to a nice place to work tomorrow without a lot of stress!

Today's Goal: Get in some workout = SUCCESS!

And I took my multi-vitamin (been good about that for 4 days in a row)

Tomorrow's Goal: Get a moderate amount of workout in. Both cardio and weights

Calories Consumed: 903

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes (warm-up)

30 minutes (run/jog)

Strength Training:

75 push-ups

30 back rows (15 lbs each side)

30 biceps curls (10 lbs each side)

30 triceps curls (10 lbs each side)

30 shoulder press (10 lbs each side)

30 chest flies (10 lbs each side)