Monday, March 1, 2010
So today Sari and I had rehearsal for the concert. I got there on time and was waiting for her and her brother-in-law to show up. She finally texted me to say she'd been in a car accident!
She was rear-ended by a girl whose water bottle rolled under her break pedal and so she couldn't stop!
How scary! Thankfully everyone was ok. Sari banged her head but her car was ok. The other girl's car was pretty banged up.
It was freaky waiting for her to get there. I just wanted to hug her and know she was alright!
Once the police came and everything got sorted out, we actually did get to rehearse. It was fun! We staged the show (choreography and all) and really had a lot of fun with it. It's going to be an awesome show. :)
Later on, I had to meet my Mom and my recently married cousin, Jamie, at the Paper Source to look at paper for booklets for the wedding.
Umm...I have a small love affair with The Paper Source. I adore that place. All these fun crafty projects with lots of creative ideas! I just wanna spend tons of time in there touching all the pretty cards and ribbon and textures.
So we got what we needed and then headed out to get a coffee at Starbucks. Mom treated and we had a great talk. Sometimes I just love those moments where you spontaneously get to spend time with people you wouldn't normally get to spend time with. It was such a nice 30 minutes. :)
What are some pleasant/surprise moments you get throughout your day?
Calories Consumed: 927
Workout:
Cardio:
3 minutes warm-up
42 minutes run/kicks/punches
8 minutes cool down
Strength Training:
60 back rows (resistance bands)
60 pulsed back rows (resistance bands)
50 biceps (10 lbs each hand)
50 triceps (10 lbs each hand)
50 chest flies (10 lbs each hand)
50 shoulder press (10 lbs each hand)
Showing posts with label support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label support. Show all posts
Monday, March 8, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Day 69 - Crazy cleaning and (almost) Running into my Ex
Saturday, January 30, 2010
So today was an interesting day.
Interesting = frustrating, productive, stressful, and surprising.
Jon and I had the day planned out:
I wanted to workout
We had to go to Best Buy
We had to go to Walgreens or a grocery store
We had to clean the kitchen and the kitchen floor
For some reason we were both really on edge today. We usually work these things out but for some reason we were just on each other's last nerve.
That caused some major tension with some out-and-out fighting.
I HATE fighting and I sincerely hate fighting with Jon. It makes me feel sad and confused and all my stupid childhood fears come crashing down on me. It takes me a while to regroup and come back from those kinds of fights.
I'm sure it stems from never feeling like my side was heard in my family. I spent so many fights at home trying to be heard. It's very difficult. And when Dad fights, he fights dirty. He says something hurtful and surgical to shut it down so he can "win". My Mom has a tendency to do the same thing, but she also just shuts down completely. And she listens when my father is yelling at her to "hang up the phone" or whatever.
We definitely come from a family of fighters.
I end up feeling deflated and sad and just a big ball of ickiness.
Jon likes to stay in and fight. Sometimes I can't handle it. I can't think straight. My emotions get in the way of my thoughts and take over. I try to take a break so I can process but he doesn't always want to give that.
It can get messy.
However, after a long time in the car in the parking lot (isn't it always like that? Why is shopping so damned stressful?). We finally started to feel better and decided to finish our shopping at the grocery store near our house.
Well.
One of the most frustrating things about living in this city is how big and small it is. I have tried to avoid the Jewel grocery store near our house for a variety of reasons the last 3.5 years.
1. It's a smaller store so the selection isn't always great
2. the aisles are narrower and it's a more frustrating shopping experience
3. My ex shops there.
Yeah, really #3 is the top reason I like to avoid the grocery store. Although I hadn't ever run into him there. Until today.
To be honest, I didn't actually run into him. I saw him. I really don't think he saw me. It was kinda freaky. I also saw his girlfriend (she seems like a nice person and seems to care about him which is nice for him). She looks like a thinner version of me with smaller boobs. He has a type.
Sigh. It's not a big deal. Or it shouldn't be. But I really wish my ex and Jon's ex would just let it go, already and just agree to bury the hatchet.
Do any of these bad feelings help any of us?
Well, once that awkwardness happened Jon was my lifeline and we made jokes and laughed about how icky and weird it was. I'm grateful for his understanding my conflicted feelings about that whole thing. He's a pretty great guy. I'm pretty damned lucky. :)
After working out and dinner, we hit the ground running on that kitchen.
It's in fabulous shape! Go Jon. You rocked it!
Today's Goal: try to do full cardio and light abs if I can = SUCCESS!
Tomorrow's Goal: watch my eating. Calories are getting slightly erratic
Calories Consumed: 958
Workout:
Cardio:
3 minutes warm-up
47 minutes jog/run
8 minutes stretch/cool-down
Strength Training:
25 push ups
50 reverse crunches
50 regular crunches
50 alternating toe touches (on my back)
So today was an interesting day.
Interesting = frustrating, productive, stressful, and surprising.
Jon and I had the day planned out:
I wanted to workout
We had to go to Best Buy
We had to go to Walgreens or a grocery store
We had to clean the kitchen and the kitchen floor
For some reason we were both really on edge today. We usually work these things out but for some reason we were just on each other's last nerve.
That caused some major tension with some out-and-out fighting.
I HATE fighting and I sincerely hate fighting with Jon. It makes me feel sad and confused and all my stupid childhood fears come crashing down on me. It takes me a while to regroup and come back from those kinds of fights.
I'm sure it stems from never feeling like my side was heard in my family. I spent so many fights at home trying to be heard. It's very difficult. And when Dad fights, he fights dirty. He says something hurtful and surgical to shut it down so he can "win". My Mom has a tendency to do the same thing, but she also just shuts down completely. And she listens when my father is yelling at her to "hang up the phone" or whatever.
We definitely come from a family of fighters.
I end up feeling deflated and sad and just a big ball of ickiness.
Jon likes to stay in and fight. Sometimes I can't handle it. I can't think straight. My emotions get in the way of my thoughts and take over. I try to take a break so I can process but he doesn't always want to give that.
It can get messy.
However, after a long time in the car in the parking lot (isn't it always like that? Why is shopping so damned stressful?). We finally started to feel better and decided to finish our shopping at the grocery store near our house.
Well.
One of the most frustrating things about living in this city is how big and small it is. I have tried to avoid the Jewel grocery store near our house for a variety of reasons the last 3.5 years.
1. It's a smaller store so the selection isn't always great
2. the aisles are narrower and it's a more frustrating shopping experience
3. My ex shops there.
Yeah, really #3 is the top reason I like to avoid the grocery store. Although I hadn't ever run into him there. Until today.
To be honest, I didn't actually run into him. I saw him. I really don't think he saw me. It was kinda freaky. I also saw his girlfriend (she seems like a nice person and seems to care about him which is nice for him). She looks like a thinner version of me with smaller boobs. He has a type.
Sigh. It's not a big deal. Or it shouldn't be. But I really wish my ex and Jon's ex would just let it go, already and just agree to bury the hatchet.
Do any of these bad feelings help any of us?
Well, once that awkwardness happened Jon was my lifeline and we made jokes and laughed about how icky and weird it was. I'm grateful for his understanding my conflicted feelings about that whole thing. He's a pretty great guy. I'm pretty damned lucky. :)
After working out and dinner, we hit the ground running on that kitchen.
It's in fabulous shape! Go Jon. You rocked it!
Today's Goal: try to do full cardio and light abs if I can = SUCCESS!
Tomorrow's Goal: watch my eating. Calories are getting slightly erratic
Calories Consumed: 958
Workout:
Cardio:
3 minutes warm-up
47 minutes jog/run
8 minutes stretch/cool-down
Strength Training:
25 push ups
50 reverse crunches
50 regular crunches
50 alternating toe touches (on my back)
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Day 47 - Weigh-in Week #7 and A Few Shout Outs
Friday, January 8, 2010
So today was my weigh-in day. For the final week for my 1st goal: THE FILM!
My original goal was that I wanted to lose 10 pounds in 7 weeks. Actually, originally, it was 8 weeks because the film was starting NEXT weekend. They then changed all that and began shooting a week early. This weekend.
So! How did I do?
At this week's weigh-in I lost 1.8 lbs. YES!
I am THRILLED to report I have lost, altogether, ALMOST 7 POUNDS! (6.8 lbs to be exact!)
I was really starting to get down on myself. I had 2 really bad weeks and felt like even though I was losing, it was at such a low rate, something I was doing was really wrong! Or, maybe, (because I'm a hypochondriac), there was really something wrong with me.
Turns out my friend, (and awesomely avid reader of this blog), Adam, was correct.
He had private messaged me with some tips on sleeping better and maybe acquiring a more accurate scale. In that message he mentioned that maybe I wasn't eating enough calories.
I really thought he must be out of his mind.
As a girl with an unhealthy relationship to calories, I honestly believed that not eating enough when you're over-weight was a myth. I guess all those PSA's and Lifetime movies of Calista Flockhart binge eating and purging or not eating enough were my idea of "under-eating".
I was wrong.
Actually, Jon Wolter reminded me about last season on The Biggest Loser, Ron and Mikey were having trouble losing weight because they were not eating enough calories. They finally listened to Bob and had a great week of weight loss.
Hmmmm. Maybe there really was something to Adam's suggestions.
So I decided to try it. I threw an extra 150 or so (sometimes less sometimes more) into the mix to see how it would fare.
Lo and behold I dropped almost 2 pounds this week!
So, THANK YOU ADAM!!!! :) Your awesome attention to me and this blog put me back on track and helped ease some depression. *HUGS!*
I'd also like to point out that I START FILMING ON SUNDAY NIGHT! Can I be more excited? I think not! Tomorrow is my checklist day. Sunday is my double check list day! I cannot wait!
I may not have actually hit my 1st goal of 10 lbs, but I am shocked at how defined my arms are getting. I can "see" ab muscle and, seriously, don't mess with my legs. They are CUT! :)
I'm pretty proud of my work these past 7 weeks.
One of my other friends, Becky, has been working her butt off to change her life. I'm so proud of her and her accomplishments. She's battled many of life's toughest challenges and does it with grace, honesty, and humor. Check out her honesty and hard work at her blog. Hugs, Becky! And thank you for your warmth, and kindness.
So NOW what am I going to do with this blog? WELL! I have decided I LOVE this idea of being accountable everyday to all of you. So, I've decided to continue this journey until I reach my ultimate goal.
I Want To Wear A Bikini On My Honeymoon.
Yup.
I haven't worn a bikini since 2002 when I lost a bunch of weight using a pill product no longer sold in the USA because it contained Norepinephrine. I was thin, but I was NOT in shape. I looked drawn and sickly and not well.
This time I am doing it right. Workouts, healthy eating and no pills. All natural. All me.
Before that? I wore a bikini when I was four years old. No joke. That's it! So, this time, as a healthy adult, I want to wear a bikini and feel GREAT about it.
My wedding is June 19th 2010. I believe I have about 12 - 15 pounds (or about 3-4 sizes) before I will feel comfortable parading around in the barely nude.
Ready for this next ride in the process? Me too! Let's rock and roll!
Weight-loss to date: 6.8 lbs!
Today's Goal: Take my multi-vitamin = SUCCESS!
Tomorrow's Goal: Work out and get part one of the checklist done for the film!
Calories Consumed: 1067
Workout:
Cardio:
3 minutes warm up
42 minutes jog/run
(2 - 5 minute sprints; 5 - 1 minutes sprints --skaters--)
8 minute cool down/stretch
Strength Training:
50 back rows (15 lbs each hand)
50 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
50 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand)
50 chest flies (12 lbs each hand)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Day 38 - Energy and Competition
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
So today I rolled out of bed with minutes to spare to get to work. I don't know how it happened! Thank goodness I'd packed my lunch the day before because I needed any extra moments to feed the dog and grab my stuff together before nearly being late.
As it happened, I forgot to bring utensils for my lunch and snacks. This wasn't as awful as it could have been since Jon'd made these personal gluten-free 8" pizza's last night. I ate 1/2 of mine, thinking I'd bring the other half for lunch. This was, essentially, finger food so that wasn't too bad. I just couldn't eat my greenbeans nor could I eat the veggie casserole. Thankfully I had 2 oranges. Ah! Food you can eat with your hands, solely!
It sufficed.
I drank a ton of water today too. 80 oz!! :)
So, my energy has been sort of blech lately. I don't drink coffee and I really try to eat clean, healthy food, but for some reason I'm not feeling the pep. Although, I feel less "sluggish" than when I wasn't watching my portions or eating anything I wanted. So I'm not sure if its too little on calories or too little on protein or something. I'm just not certain where it lies. It's like I have to "rev up" to do my workouts. And I do get them done, they just feel like they are often endless!
I have noticed when I am in a competition, I will try and do my best to win. Especially if I enjoy the activity or enjoy the "battle". A good example of this would be the game Cribbage. I like that game. I like games in general. However, I think because it's just for fun, I don't get emotionally involved. I used to. But, what irks me is the competitive nature of some of my friends. I find it can get in the way of my journey. I'm fairly supportive of someone when they are trying to accomplish something. I send out love and strength and kind words. However, I'm noticing there are people who are incredibly supportive and I really thank them for their awesome words of encouragement. They mean THE WORLD to me. But others have made less-than-supportive comments like, "Oh now, why would you need to lose weight"? Or, "Don't become anorexic!" Or, "Don't make me pig out alone!" Sometimes they just press me for information (like wanting to know the number of my actual weight), which make my instincts perk up and ask why they want to know? Why is that particular information relevant?
Now, I don't want to say these people are all toxic or bad. I think I've gotten rid of those types of people long ago. But as far as feeling comfortable with disclosure on information or process or what have you, I find I'm playing close to the vest.
Upon discussing the idea of competition, I notice these people to be proud of their competitive nature. And I think some competition is healthy. Some. I think some competition is destructive. I don't want to feel compelled to compare weight/size/calories. I think it breeds a bad ground for support and love. Can't we all just agree we're on our own journey? It's not about who got there first but that we all get there at our own time?
I know I'm unique in that I'm blogging, daily, about this approach. I guess, along with the personal demons I face I also have to learn how to handle the other people in my life.
The one thing about getting involved with the self, is it makes it easy to not make time for everyone else. That was my modus operandi. But, balance is the key. Time for me AND time for others.
I know I'll accomplish this. It just feels awkward so far. Sort of like a puppy with big feet trying to negotiate walking/running.
On the really plus side: I moved to doing 12 lbs each hand for all my leg squats!! :)
Today's Goal: Get back in the workout routine = SUCCESS!
Tomorrow's Goal: Do three 2 minute sprints for cardio
Calories Consumed: 1148
Workout:
Cardio:
3 minutes warm up
42 minutes jog/run/kick/invis.jump rope
(4- 2 minute sprints)
8 minutes cool down/stretch
Strength Training:
50 push ups
Slim in 6pack abs routine - 11 min
100 regular squats (12 lbs each hand)
100 regular pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)
100 plie squats (12 lbs each hand)
100 pulsed plie squats (12 lbs each hand)
So today I rolled out of bed with minutes to spare to get to work. I don't know how it happened! Thank goodness I'd packed my lunch the day before because I needed any extra moments to feed the dog and grab my stuff together before nearly being late.
As it happened, I forgot to bring utensils for my lunch and snacks. This wasn't as awful as it could have been since Jon'd made these personal gluten-free 8" pizza's last night. I ate 1/2 of mine, thinking I'd bring the other half for lunch. This was, essentially, finger food so that wasn't too bad. I just couldn't eat my greenbeans nor could I eat the veggie casserole. Thankfully I had 2 oranges. Ah! Food you can eat with your hands, solely!
It sufficed.
I drank a ton of water today too. 80 oz!! :)
So, my energy has been sort of blech lately. I don't drink coffee and I really try to eat clean, healthy food, but for some reason I'm not feeling the pep. Although, I feel less "sluggish" than when I wasn't watching my portions or eating anything I wanted. So I'm not sure if its too little on calories or too little on protein or something. I'm just not certain where it lies. It's like I have to "rev up" to do my workouts. And I do get them done, they just feel like they are often endless!
I have noticed when I am in a competition, I will try and do my best to win. Especially if I enjoy the activity or enjoy the "battle". A good example of this would be the game Cribbage. I like that game. I like games in general. However, I think because it's just for fun, I don't get emotionally involved. I used to. But, what irks me is the competitive nature of some of my friends. I find it can get in the way of my journey. I'm fairly supportive of someone when they are trying to accomplish something. I send out love and strength and kind words. However, I'm noticing there are people who are incredibly supportive and I really thank them for their awesome words of encouragement. They mean THE WORLD to me. But others have made less-than-supportive comments like, "Oh now, why would you need to lose weight"? Or, "Don't become anorexic!" Or, "Don't make me pig out alone!" Sometimes they just press me for information (like wanting to know the number of my actual weight), which make my instincts perk up and ask why they want to know? Why is that particular information relevant?
Now, I don't want to say these people are all toxic or bad. I think I've gotten rid of those types of people long ago. But as far as feeling comfortable with disclosure on information or process or what have you, I find I'm playing close to the vest.
Upon discussing the idea of competition, I notice these people to be proud of their competitive nature. And I think some competition is healthy. Some. I think some competition is destructive. I don't want to feel compelled to compare weight/size/calories. I think it breeds a bad ground for support and love. Can't we all just agree we're on our own journey? It's not about who got there first but that we all get there at our own time?
I know I'm unique in that I'm blogging, daily, about this approach. I guess, along with the personal demons I face I also have to learn how to handle the other people in my life.
The one thing about getting involved with the self, is it makes it easy to not make time for everyone else. That was my modus operandi. But, balance is the key. Time for me AND time for others.
I know I'll accomplish this. It just feels awkward so far. Sort of like a puppy with big feet trying to negotiate walking/running.
On the really plus side: I moved to doing 12 lbs each hand for all my leg squats!! :)
Today's Goal: Get back in the workout routine = SUCCESS!
Tomorrow's Goal: Do three 2 minute sprints for cardio
Calories Consumed: 1148
Workout:
Cardio:
3 minutes warm up
42 minutes jog/run/kick/invis.jump rope
(4- 2 minute sprints)
8 minutes cool down/stretch
Strength Training:
50 push ups
Slim in 6pack abs routine - 11 min
100 regular squats (12 lbs each hand)
100 regular pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)
100 plie squats (12 lbs each hand)
100 pulsed plie squats (12 lbs each hand)
Monday, December 28, 2009
Day 35 - Plan and Decide
Sunday, December 27, 2009
So today Jon and I planned to go to Target and finish up some shopping we'd been meaning to get done for a couple of weeks. We woke up at a decent hour and I decided I wanted to workout first so I could have the evening to just chill out. It was a good plan!
Got my entire workout in and then we finished up our crazy shopping trip. We have a few last minute gifts to send out and then we are finished!
I have decided to try and make a general list for the week in hopes that I can feel a bit more organized in my weekly scheduling. Some of it is for the apartment (chores Jon and I have to get done but always find overwhelming when they've not been planned), and some are career/work/personal oriented. Just for me.
I'm hoping having a list will help to keep me focused. There are definitely days when I feel like I am barely making it through, time-wise, and I have had to avoid seeing people to make sure I'm getting my workouts/food/chores in. I think with a little extra planning I will be able to coordinate things so that if there's a spontaneous get-together I can actually meet up with someone. Which would be nice! :)
Jon and I have started filling out a book called "All About Us". It's a neat little book that has questions and blanks that we fill out together and helps to facilitate conversation(s) about our relationship. In most cases we've realized we've discussed these things but it's nice to have confirmation that feelings haven't changed or our understandings were just assumptions. Etc. It's been a neat thing to do to prepare for this marriage thing. :)
Other than that, all is well here. :)
Today's Goal: Get back in the workout routine = SUCCESS!
Tomorrow's Goal: DRINK WATER! (I don't think I'm drinking enough. Stomach pains/heartburn and headaches are probably a good indicator I'm not.)
Calories Consumed: 1047
Workout:
Cardio:
3 minutes warm-up
45 minutes jog/run/kicks/invisible jump rope
(6 minutes of sprints/ 4 minutes of kicks)
8 minutes of cool-down/stretch
Strength Training:
Slim in 6pack abs - 11 minutes
100 regular squats (10 lbs each hand)
100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs each hand)
100 plie squats (10 lbs each hand)
100 plie pulsed squats (10 lbs each hand)
So today Jon and I planned to go to Target and finish up some shopping we'd been meaning to get done for a couple of weeks. We woke up at a decent hour and I decided I wanted to workout first so I could have the evening to just chill out. It was a good plan!
Got my entire workout in and then we finished up our crazy shopping trip. We have a few last minute gifts to send out and then we are finished!
I have decided to try and make a general list for the week in hopes that I can feel a bit more organized in my weekly scheduling. Some of it is for the apartment (chores Jon and I have to get done but always find overwhelming when they've not been planned), and some are career/work/personal oriented. Just for me.
I'm hoping having a list will help to keep me focused. There are definitely days when I feel like I am barely making it through, time-wise, and I have had to avoid seeing people to make sure I'm getting my workouts/food/chores in. I think with a little extra planning I will be able to coordinate things so that if there's a spontaneous get-together I can actually meet up with someone. Which would be nice! :)
Jon and I have started filling out a book called "All About Us". It's a neat little book that has questions and blanks that we fill out together and helps to facilitate conversation(s) about our relationship. In most cases we've realized we've discussed these things but it's nice to have confirmation that feelings haven't changed or our understandings were just assumptions. Etc. It's been a neat thing to do to prepare for this marriage thing. :)
Other than that, all is well here. :)
Today's Goal: Get back in the workout routine = SUCCESS!
Tomorrow's Goal: DRINK WATER! (I don't think I'm drinking enough. Stomach pains/heartburn and headaches are probably a good indicator I'm not.)
Calories Consumed: 1047
Workout:
Cardio:
3 minutes warm-up
45 minutes jog/run/kicks/invisible jump rope
(6 minutes of sprints/ 4 minutes of kicks)
8 minutes of cool-down/stretch
Strength Training:
Slim in 6pack abs - 11 minutes
100 regular squats (10 lbs each hand)
100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs each hand)
100 plie squats (10 lbs each hand)
100 plie pulsed squats (10 lbs each hand)
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Day 34 - Recovery and Friendship
Saturday, December 26, 2009
So today was a lovely day! Jon and I went to meet our friends K and Lori for lunch! It was BLISSFUL! We had a fantastic time and I made great choices with my meal.
In catching up, I realized how far I've come in a short time. I know I still have a long journey ahead of me. Pretty much a lifetime since I believe we are always able to learn and grow. But, I'm seeing myself approach life and love and people in a better and healthier way.
This makes me happy. :)
It warms my heart to know that my dear friends give their "stamp of approval" on Jon Wolter. I know he's wonderful and I am so lucky he's in my life. But it helps to know that my friends agree. Especially since with my ex, no one really liked him and EVERYONE thought it was a mistake that I was marrying him. Except me. This time, I've asked for reactions and, even when I haven't, they've been consistently positive. This makes me happy. I like knowing that the people who have my back think my intended is a good choice. :) I like that they like him. :)
Today was a full recovery day for workout. I will replenish and return tomorrow!
Todays' Goal: Make healthy choices at lunch = SUCCESS! (Got a salad -balsamic dressing on the side- with salmon)
Tomorrow's Goal: Jump back into my workout routine
Calories Consumed: 840
Workout = NONE - recovery
So today was a lovely day! Jon and I went to meet our friends K and Lori for lunch! It was BLISSFUL! We had a fantastic time and I made great choices with my meal.
In catching up, I realized how far I've come in a short time. I know I still have a long journey ahead of me. Pretty much a lifetime since I believe we are always able to learn and grow. But, I'm seeing myself approach life and love and people in a better and healthier way.
This makes me happy. :)
It warms my heart to know that my dear friends give their "stamp of approval" on Jon Wolter. I know he's wonderful and I am so lucky he's in my life. But it helps to know that my friends agree. Especially since with my ex, no one really liked him and EVERYONE thought it was a mistake that I was marrying him. Except me. This time, I've asked for reactions and, even when I haven't, they've been consistently positive. This makes me happy. I like knowing that the people who have my back think my intended is a good choice. :) I like that they like him. :)
Today was a full recovery day for workout. I will replenish and return tomorrow!
Todays' Goal: Make healthy choices at lunch = SUCCESS! (Got a salad -balsamic dressing on the side- with salmon)
Tomorrow's Goal: Jump back into my workout routine
Calories Consumed: 840
Workout = NONE - recovery
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Day 32 - Joy and Reading
Thursday, December 24, 2009
So today has been a very "chill" day at work. Very few distractions via phone/email and pretty much all around quiet.
It's given me time to read. Which I adore! I almost never carve out time in my day to do it. I always think I "should" be doing something else. Working on this monologue or sending out this thing for my business...etc. I live in a world of "shoulds" when I have so many "wants".
Truthfully, this job has allowed me the time to read and that makes me so grateful. When I fall into a story I am totally transported. I live the emotions they live, I anticipate their reactions and feelings. It's like I am experiencing the story along with them. It's an investment. Not just of time, but of emotion.
When I complete a book and the story ends (no sequel, or I've finished all the sequels), I'm actually depressed for a while. I feel like I've lost the people. They've "left" so to speak, to go live their lives. It's something I've also experienced with films and TV shows, in some cases. But it's never as heartbreaking as with books. I think it's because I am reading about every nuance and thought and I'm right there breathing with them.
Like I said, an investment. :)
This has been a much better holiday for me than recent years. I've learned so much about myself and my strength. I used to tell my teacher, K Spang, that I understood that I had "things to get through". The fact that I had the knowledge that I had issues should have been enough, right? I figured if I saw my problems, labled them, saw them clearly well, then, I should be allowed to avoid the suffering of FEELING them or going through the process of dealing with them for real. K Spang would say, "Ali, you keep seeing that door and just desperately want to be on the other side of it". I'd say, "YES!" And she'd say, "Well, here's the deal. By acknowledging the problem you've only just NOTICED the door. Now you have to start working your way towards it. You just want to fly through it. It doesn't work that way".
And she was right.
So this holiday season I am really enjoying my time staying warm and close and happy and grateful for love and laughter and joy. Joy is an emotion that I have felt guilty for feeling for so long. I'm not going to feel guilty feeling joy tonight. Maybe that should be my goal for tomorrow. Mom's making dinner and I don't want to feel any guilt. So that's my goal.
Thank you for sticking with my crazy rants of blog-i-tude. Your continued support is incredible. This journey is a good one. Hard, but good. I thank you. And I wish you a glorious happy holiday eve!
Today's Goal: Drink 80 oz of water + Take multi-vitamin = Fail/success (took the vitamin - had about 65-70 oz, but I wasn't too disappointed)
Tomorrow's Goal: Feel no guilt.
Calories Consumed: 1087
Workout:
Cardio:
3 minutes warm-ups
20 minutes jog/run
3 minutes cool-down
Strength Training:
Slim in 6pack abs routine - 11 min.
100 regular squats (10 lbs each side)
100 pulsed regular squats (10 lbs each side)
100 plie squats (10 lbs each side)
100 plie pulsed squats (10 lbs each side)
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