Day 70 - 'Fessing up and Video workouts

Sunday, January 31, 2010

So today I have no idea what I really did.  See, lately I've been horribly slack on updating this blog.  I write notes about what I'm going to blog about (ex: I know what weights/cardio I did every day), but the days just smear into the next.

Technically, it's Thursday night.

And I'm writing about last Sunday.

Yeah.

So...honestly, I'm not sure what happened.  I believe I spent most of the day at home working on postcards for the voiceover stuff.

It was a fairly uneventful day.  Really.

However, I realized that if I decide to workout to a workout video, I'm better off doing it when Jon is around.  My mind starts to wander when there's no "accountability" and while I'll still DO the workout when I'm alone, I'm busy thinking about things. I get unfocused.

While I don't LIKE working out with Jon around it does keep my head in the game, a little.

Today I revisited Slim in 6 - Ramp it Up.

It was a good workout.  I was proud of the fact when they recommend doing the push-ups I was able--nay, determined-- to do them on my toes.  Considering I was doing 100 pushups a day for a while, ON MY TOES, two sets of 15 push-ups shouldn't be too hard.

I'm desperately trying to catch up on this blog so I can be back on my game.  Bear with me :)

Thanks!!!

Today's Goal: watch my eating. Calories are getting slightly erratic = SORT OF SUCCESS? (I guess that's not something I can really watch on one day?)

Tomorrow's Goal: re-read a bit of Making the Cut - Jillian Michael's book for ideas

Calories Consumed: 1040

Workout:
       Slim in 6 - Ramp it Up (total body workout with resistance bands)
       47 minutes

Day 35 - Plan and Decide

Sunday, December 27, 2009

So today Jon and I planned to go to Target and finish up some shopping we'd been meaning to get done for a couple of weeks.  We woke up at a decent hour and I decided I wanted to workout first so I could have the evening to just chill out.  It was a good plan!

Got my entire workout in and then we finished up our crazy shopping trip.  We have a few last minute gifts to send out and then we are finished!

I have decided to try and make a general list for the week in hopes that I can feel a bit more organized in my weekly scheduling.  Some of it is for the apartment (chores Jon and I have to get done but always find overwhelming when they've not been planned), and some are career/work/personal oriented.  Just for me.

I'm hoping having a list will help to keep me focused.  There are definitely days when I feel like I am barely making it through, time-wise, and I have had to avoid seeing people to make sure I'm getting my workouts/food/chores in.   I think with a little extra planning I will be able to coordinate things so that if there's a spontaneous get-together I can actually meet up with someone.  Which would be nice! :)

Jon and I have started filling out a book called "All About Us".  It's a neat little book that has questions and blanks that we fill out together and helps to facilitate conversation(s) about our relationship.  In most cases we've realized we've discussed these things but it's nice to have confirmation that feelings haven't changed or our understandings were just assumptions.  Etc.  It's been a neat thing to do to prepare for this marriage thing. :)

Other than that, all is well here. :)

Today's Goal: Get back in the workout routine = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: DRINK WATER!  (I don't think I'm drinking enough.  Stomach pains/heartburn and headaches are probably a good indicator I'm not.)

Calories Consumed: 1047

Workout:
       Cardio:
            3 minutes warm-up
            45 minutes jog/run/kicks/invisible jump rope
            (6 minutes of sprints/ 4 minutes of kicks)
            8 minutes of cool-down/stretch
  
      Strength Training:
           Slim in 6pack abs - 11 minutes
           100 regular squats (10 lbs each hand)
           100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs each hand)
           100 plie squats (10 lbs each hand)
           100 plie pulsed squats (10 lbs each hand)

Day 13 - Up and Down

Saturday, December 5, 2009

So, today was all over the map. Jon and I had some errands to run so we rolled out of bed and slowly got our day moving. It was ok...just a slow-going day. I forgot my water (that really bummed me out) and didn't plan ahead to take any snacks, so we ended up stopping at a restaurant to have lunch.

While we were there, I was counting calories in my head and figuring out what I could cut/take home, etc.

Jon made a joking comment about "being careful about those calories" on a new low-caloric syrup made from blue agave that I'd never tried and I flipped out. I was so offended that he thought I needed help with my calorie counting! Didn't he know I was watching every morsel, every calorie I was eating? Did he think I needed a policeman watching my every move?!?!?

Well, after many an apology and my grudgingly "letting it go" (I was still upset but not AT him, but I couldn't explain/figure out what had really made me so angry), we finished (and even enjoyed) the rest of our meal and came home.

I worked out last night and got in all my water and Jon made a delicious veggie casserole. We ended up going to sleep really early. I guess we were tired. But I was still thinking about why I was so quick to anger.

I'm still not quite sure, but I think it has to do with a few things:

1) yes, I was "ok" with not having dropped weight this week (even glad I didn't gain) but after all this hard work, I have to acknowledge that I was disappointed that I didn't lose. More disappointed than I even wanted to admit. I was "covering it up" trying to be positive and just let it go, but I've learned that you can't move through something and get on the other side without actually feeling those feelings. And even if I don't plan on feeling them, they will happen. So, yeah. I AM disappointed, dammit.

2) I went to a memorial yesterday. For a beloved teacher. Who was 39 years old. And wonderful. And died of breast cancer. Seriously. It's so not fair. And there is breast cancer all over my family. My aunt just died of it. My mom is a survivor but only had a 2o% chance. My cousin (the daughter of my aunt who just passed away) had it and hers manifested when she was 33. Yeah. I'm 33 now. So, yeah. Fear, concern and all that is getting internalized. And sometimes it needs an outlet, I guess.

3) Calorie counting is tenuous and frustrating. And it's a delicate balance when out to eat and not being able to get what you want because it will end up on your stomach and ruin everything you've worked for. It's often much more of a mental game than anything else. And when someone jumps in and tries to "help" it can be irritating. And it can feel like you're being judged. That's exactly what it felt like to me. Like Jon was watching my every move and "scolding" me for what I was eating. I was pissed.

Now, of course, that wasn't at all what Jon was trying to do, but I had a hard time believing him. I was already feeling down for a number of reasons (as I stated), so that just pushed me over the edge.

We figured it out, and I feel better acknowledging that I was sad and disappointed and just feeling judged and down. So, now I have to look forward and realize that the day wasn't a total bust. I did work out and I did drink water and gave it my best. Today, that's where my best was. And that's ok.

Today's Goal: Drink 80 - 100 oz of water. = drank 80 oz = SUCCESS!

Calories Consumed: 1250 (approximately)

Workout:

Cardio: 45 minutes

(jogging, invisible jump rope, step-ups, dead leg lifts)

Strength Training:

100 regular crunches

100 reverse crunches

100 oblique crunches (both sides)

100 regular squats (10 lbs)

100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs)

100 plie squats (10 lbs)

100 plie pulsed squats) (10 lbs)

Day 11 - Uneasy and the Dreaded Week 2

Thursday, December 3rd

So today I am totally exhausted! I thought I was tired yesterday. I was wrong. I can only imagine that my wonderful body is fighting off something. I have no real reason to be this exhausted so I will appreciate what my body is telling me and take today as my recovery day.

This scares me.

I HATE taking a recovery day. I feel like I'm "slacking off" or "falling into a bad habit". Now, I know it's necessary to take 1 day off a week. I know it's bad for my body and the weight loss to NOT take a day off. Yet, I can't get that stupid voice out of my head saying, "Don't be lazy, Ali. You should be working out right now. Come on, it's not that bad. You're not that tired! You barely did anything yesterday. You're pathetic". And so on.

So I'm trying to tell that voice to shut the hell up.

This is a constant battle with sleep, as well. When I was in school I kept telling myself that sleep was for the weak. The more I stayed up and studied the better I would be. I could be "the best that I could be" which, of course, was still never good enough for me. I was never satisfied with myself and my accomplishments.

Well, here I am. Feeling the same way with the same uneasy energy. So I'm changing my behavior. I'm going to tell myself that I deserve a day off. I need a day off. And I am WORTHY of a day off.

Me: Self?

Self: Yeah?

Me: I'm taking my recovery day today.

Self: Really?

Me: Yes. I get one recovery day a week and I need it today. So I'm taking it.

Self: Think that's such a good idea?

Me: Yes. Yes I do.

Self: Well, if that's what you think you should do...

Me: Yes. It is. I am worthy of this day off.

Self: Well, Me, I think you're right.

Me: Um, you do??

Self: Yes, Me. You've been working your butt off. There's no rule that says you should take your recovery day on a weekend or anything else. I know you. I trust you. You made sure the rest of the week was laid out in a way so you could take today off. So go for it. I support you, Me.

Me: Wow! Thanks Self. I feel so supported!

Self: Anytime, Me. Anytime.

Considering tomorrow is a weigh-in day this was definitely a risky choice. Also, this is the dreaded WEEK 2! Notoriously week 2 of a workout plan can be brutal. Often people lose very little (after a large loss the week before), or they stay the same or even gain! It can be very demoralizing. But, as we all know, the scale is not the only measure of success. In fact, I did some costume hunting yesterday for the film and I am consistently in a size smaller! So regardless of what the scale says, my body is shrinking!

Also, I have muscle definition in my arms! It's so cool to look at them! I love feeling the muscle and I can't wait until they get more defined! Yay!

Today's Goal: well it was to stretch after my work out... so I guess that's not yet a success

Tomorrow's Goal: Workout - (and then stretch!)

Calories Consumed: 870 (I know it's low. Remember I didn't burn any off today, though)

Workout: NONE - recovery day

Tomorrow is going to be a rough day.

First: Weigh-in!

Second: I have a memorial for my beloved teacher, Kristin Spangler who passed away from breast cancer. :( I plan to work out before this so I am not bursting into tears while trying to do invisible jump rope!

Third: Jon's company has their holiday party, so temptations will be at a high...

Lots of challenges tomorrow, but I'm up for it.

Day 7 - Blech and Fun

So today started out pretty awful. My cramps were at an all-time high of PAINFUL and I was barely able to drag myself out of bed to start any sort of work out.

I knew I had to be mindful today since Jon and I were going to see the opening night performance of this year's A Christmas Carol at The Goodman Theatre. I was really looking forward to it, but there was going to be an after party (which we were also invited to) with free-flowing wine and beer and free food. Free FONDUE food. Ummm....have I actually mentioned how much I love cheese? No? I. Love. Cheese. All kinds of cheese. Fondue is like a gift of love sent to me in little pots of warmth.

How in the world was I going to manage to stay away from THAT?

Well, technically I did. I indulged in one glass of white wine. That was it. I ate some fresh veggies (supposed to be used for the dipping in the CHEESE) and 2 medium shrimps that were being passed. That was it! I was very careful.

However, when I got home, I was STARVING! This is where the problems came in. We'd eaten lunch at about 1pm and I had a very very light snack before we walked out the door at 5pm. By the time the show was finished and we were at the party and I was avoiding all the food, I really needed to eat a dinner. So at 11:30pm, that's what I did! I had a good meal but wasn't satisfied. So I ended up eating a bit more of a snack (green apple and peanut butter mixed with raw honey). Wow that was incredibly good but it put me a bit over my calories.

However, I remind myself that even though I was over my calories, I still did MUCH better than I could have avoiding those pots of love...er...cheese at the party.

I also did not get in any cardio but I did do weights. AND I graduated to doing 1/2 the reps with a higher weight!

Tomorrow's Goal: Drink my 80 oz of water, get in cardio and weights

Calories consumed: 1301

Workout: 50 rows (15 lbs), 50 biceps curls (10 lbs for 25/ 8 lbs for 25), 50 triceps curls (10 lbs for 25/ 8 lbs for 25), 50 shoulder press (10 lbs for 25/ 8 lbs for 25), 50 chest flies (10 lbs for 25/ 8 lbs for 25)

Day 4 - Temptations

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Today was a challenge, like I knew it would be. But I went in mindful and ready for this challenge...well, at least about the food.

How I prepared:
I roped Jon into working out with me this morning. We recently purchased the all-cardio DVD of The Biggest Loser workout. We hadn't tried it yet. So to make sure I got in enough cardio today BEFORE Thanksgiving dinner we decided to do the warm-up (5 min), the 1st workout (20 min), the 2nd workout (10 min), cool-down yoga (5 min). Ummm...yeah. This DVD KICKED OUR ASSES! I mean, it was a tough 20 minutes to begin with, but then to tack on the extra 10 was a KILLER!. But I was determined to make it through. I was sweating bullets by the end!

Food:
I don't cook, usually, but somehow I agreed to make a dish for Thanksgiving. Picking the most innocuous (and the one with 4 ingredients or less!) I chose green bean casserole. I was cooking this for 17 people, so I needed double the amount of everything. I ended up buying 98% fat-free soup and 1/2 the cans of beans I used (french cut green beans, of course) were no sodium. Also, I cut the amount of milk and soy sauce it called for by 2/3. We only put a sprinkle of fried onions on top. It was hardly necessary! The casserole was flavorful and 1/2 the fat and sodium!

Beginning of the night:
I drank water all night. Everyone was drinking wine and really enjoying the chips, cheese, crackers, and shrimp with cocktail sauce set out for the appetizers! I did not partake in anything but the raw veggies and 2 naked shrimp (no cocktail sauce). And I didn't dip the veggies in the delectable looking spinach dip! Too tempting!

Dinner:
I filled my plate with all the fixings I wanted, adding about a cup of the salad and about 1/8 - 1/4 of a cup of everything else. Seriously, I had "bite-sized" tastings of food. And I did NOT go back for seconds. I also didn't have any turkey (I'm a pescatarian) so I ate mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, salad, and stuffing. It was DELICIOUS and I SO could have gotten more but I was really strict about it.

Dessert:
My sister-in-law went to culinary school and bakes the most delicious cakes, sweets, cookies, etc. you've ever tasted. She made 2 amazing desserts. I stuck my fork in the lemon meringue pie that Jon had and it was UNREAL! So good. But that was all I had, with the exception of a mug of green chai tea and a splash of fat free organic milk.

The strangest part of the night was asking my family to support me in my challenge. I got mostly supportive responses. Although I was asked to reveal my current weight and the weight I'm striving for. I did NOT do that. I simply explained I was looking forward to losing 10 pounds in 8 weeks and another 10 pounds before June 19. It was bizarre! We spent a good deal of the evening discussing "the cardio question" and I found myself having to justify my decisions to eat as little as I wanted to and to workout in the manner that I was. My father kept saying, "Don't you think this is too strict a diet"? I explained that I would probably be less strict in the future after I reached my goal weight and was able to begin maintaining. But to GET there I needed to be very strict, at first.

Sigh. I guess it's all a process and a journey for everyone.

I made a guess on the calories I ate tonight and I think I over-estimated but it's better than under-estimating I suppose.

Goal Achieved: To conquer Thanksgiving and NOT be too tempted but still get to eat the food! = Success!

Calories Consumed: 1164 (approximately)

Workout: Cardio (laid out above), 100 regular crunches, 100 reverse crunches, 100 obliques (each side), 100 regular squats (8 lbs), 100 regular pulsed squats (8 lbs), 100 plie squats (8 lbs), 100 pulsed plie squats (8 lbs)

Tomorrow: FIRST WEIGH-IN!!!! :)

Day 2 - a little nervous

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

So this is Day 2 of my journey to a fitter and better me. And, honestly, I really really really hope the effort is going to pay off. I am working a temp job this week. (Mon, Tues, and Wed) from 8:30am - 12:30pm. It's a great gig because the phone hardly rings and I'm in an office completely alone. However, usually when I temp in these situations I have internet access. Well, the IT guys didn't get me a log-in or set me up so I'm unable to update my blog or do any "work" I might do in another situation.

So I've been reading.

I brought 2 books in with me (I'm nearly finished with the first one so I wanted a back-up). It's been really great getting to read and get paid, but I feel "schlubby". I mean, it's the most inactive thing I could do, just sitting and reading! I'm trying to find a way to not beat myself up (what I'd have done in the past), for enjoying a little quiet time and utilizing it by reading.

And let's be honest, if Ii were on the internet I wouldn't be doing anything "active" either. Typing? Can't burn a whole lot of calories typing. So, yeah. I think it goes a bit deeper than "not being active". I think it's the idea that I shouldn't be enjoying or getting any pleasure out of life when "there's work to be done". It's a very difficult thing for me to find a balance with. I want to believe I'm worthy of time to read rather than feeling like I'm "sneaking it in". I want to enjoy my life and give more back. I know I can't be anything good to anyone until I'm being good to myself. But it's so difficult, sometimes.

What's really got me nervous? Thanksgiving dinner. I can only control what I make and what I put in my mouth. How do I deal with other people's food? Plus, I'm pretty much a pescatarian (vegetarian who eats fish). It's not an easy thing to do on Thanksgiving. I am hoping for a salad. Or something I can eat other than the mildly healthy green bean casserole I'm making... Again, a process. I will find the balance on Thursday. But today, I'm going to try and focus on today.

My goal today was to drink 60 oz of water in those first 4 hours I was working at the office. I went to the bathroom 5 times (!) before I left but I DID IT! I drank my 60 oz there and then drank another 36 oz at home today! I DEFINITELY got my hydration in for the day!

I'm incredibly proud of that.

My goal tomorrow: Drink at least 60 oz of water in the first 4 hours and do some leg-lifts at the desk if I can get away with it.

Calories consumed: 1,193

Workout: 100 push ups (on my toes!!!), 100 plie squats (with 8 lb weights), 100 pulsed plie squats (with 8 lb weights), 100 regular squats (with 8 lb weights), 100 pulsed regular squats (with 8 lb weights), 100 regular crunches, 100 reverse crunches, 100 obliques (each side), 20 minutes of fast-paced cardio (running in place, tires, football drills, high kicks, butt kicks)